#and i've been here long enough that customers have started learning my name!

[chiefofboatwatsonstittymug]

I'm so, like, emotionally exhausted from work and my boss's bullshit again. My colleague is always like "you've just got to let his bullshit roll off you" without realising that he shouldn't be acting like that in the first place. She's literally the only person who will work at our shop full time. Everyone before me quit because of the way he acted towards them, and that isn't speculation, that's literally what they've said when they've left. Maybe I take things personally sometimes but the amount I do manage to shrug off is more shit than I used to take off fucking customers.

[mandy-asimp]

Cards and Clay

Lilia Calderu x Potter! Reader

Summary: you move into town and start a new pottery place, you bring in much business and are pleased with your tiny living. Or so you think that's what's happening.

Warnings: language, smut (leaving this simple so you get the surprise), teasing, pet names, lemme know if I missed anything?

A/n ~ bye chat this is lengthy. I mean it. I was being honest when I said I love plot procrastination to the smut. But shiii I got it done🙂‍↕️

You just finished your first full week of your own pottery shop. It was honestly becoming a dream come true. You rented one of the newer apartments about ten minutes down the road, which was when you could tell the whole area was in need of renovations. Yet, with enough media promotion and the help of your friends, you managed to put a name on the map.

The weekend was ahead, and it would be busy for the Saturday lessons you offered. They would begin around eleven, giving you plenty of time to sleep in and even set up.

You were basically done cleaning up, the last thing was to rotate everything in the kiln. Which would've been completed, until the bell at the front door rang. "Oh! Sorry, we're closed!" You had called from the back, wiping the pottery off your hands onto the apron. By the door stood a curious-looking lady. Her hair pinned up and the curls fell down freely, some framing her face. Her eyes. Those were the next thing you had taken in. They were big, brown, and full of adventures you were for sure of it. They dropped against your body and you found yourself standing straighter and at attention.

"Can I help you?" You gave her your sweetest customer service voice possible. Hands coming to clasp in front of you and your head tilted. A few stray hairs falling with.

"I wanted to come see what was dragging in the business. Just not during it being an open business." She flashed you a softer smile, one that you could let your guard down to just a bit.

So you did, your shoulders had visibly relaxed and your chest didn't feel as tight. "Oh! Well it's just me and a dream here." You chuckled, a hand at the back of your neck. "I live in the apartment right down the street as well so I'm practically always here."

"I'm in the tarot shop across the street, so I know what you mean. This is cute, a nice addition I'd say." She hummed out, eyes roaming the space once more with a finger wagging in the air. You lightly laughed and held out your hand, giving her your name with a welcoming smile. "Lilia Calderu, how did someone like you get here anyways?"

"Like I said, me and a dream here. I went to college for a business degree, learned how to run a company, minored with an art degree. Work in between all that. All because I had a dream and gave my trust to the universe and here I am. My dream come true." You rambled a bit about yourself, knowing you could go deeper into all of it. But it was the simple version of your life.

Lilia enjoyed the way you spoke so passionately about something. She had forgotten how pure some people could still be within this grueling world. "It's nice to know some people still dream."

"Saying you don't dream?" You raised a challenging brow and crossed your arms. "You don't have something that keeps you going everyday even though the world sucks?"

"You sound so generic," she scoffed with a sly smirk. "I'm long past the dreaming age anyways. I've gotten content with my solo life. But you keep dreaming. I should get going though, it was nice meeting you."

You nodded slightly and watched her go. Standing like a mannequin until she opened her shops door. Once she was inside, you sighed happily and got back to work.

As for Lilia, her night concluded with her fiddling with cards as you seemed to run around in her mind. She felt silly if she used the cards in such a childish manner. Even when she groaned and placed the deck back down to the table. What was it about you?

~

A few weeks had rolled by and you had began a steady pace with work. Along with building deeper relationships with your students. A particular group you enjoyed was with Agatha, Alice, and Billy. They always knew something about someone.

You once asked them about Lilia, silently curious about the woman across the way. "She's been here ever since I could remember." Agatha started the talk. "She lives alone over there. In the back of her shop."

"She's gay. I can tell you that as well. There's no way she isn't." Billy pitched in. The fact earned him a silence and stares. "I went over there once for a reading. She's one weird, but sweet lady really."

You eyed Alice, she sat silently while working with her clay. "You got anything to add Alice? Anything I should be aware of?" You brushed your hair off your nose, getting a little bit of clay on your cheek.

"She's a quiet lady. I've never had trouble with her." Her eyes were focused to the spinning wheel, like she physically couldn't meet your gaze.

"Alice slept with her." Agatha snorted. Inflicting a heavy blush to the other as her head shot up and she began to deny the accusation.

You and Billy were left to witness the debate while trying not to holler with laughter. "It's ok anyways! Everyone's got their own thing. Whether you did or didn't, she seems nice. Except her shop is always dead. She gets maybe one or two customers if she's lucky?"

"Watching your new crush?" Agatha finally turned to tease you. Wiggling her brows and making kissy faces at you.

Your head shook and a smile was there, "hardly could say I have a crush. She an old lady who lives by herself, so what if my mind can't help to wonder if she's lonely. Anyone would. I just hope nothing bad happens." You finalized, pouring the rest of your focus into the yarn bowl you were attempting.

It wasn't until closing again that Lilia became your minds only focus. You were already set on grabbing take-out before heading home, and suddenly found yourself at her shops door knocking against the glass.

Your heart was hammering in your chest as you waited. Maybe she was asleep, or busy...or maybe even out..wherever she was you thought up a million conclusions until the door opened. Lilia stared up to you with furrowed brows.

Your name fell from her lips in a whisper, "What are you doing here?" She searched briefly over your person to find an answer. Her posture had seemed like she had been caught of something.

"I couldn't help but wonder, if you'd care to join me for dinner? It's usually what I grab on my way home on Fridays and I figured since you hadn't left yours for a while maybe it'd be nice for a change?" You were wincing at your own words. It was a brave invite alone, and you didn't anticipate how effective her being this close to you would be.

Lilia stood in much looser clothing. Patchy pants that were a variety of dulled colors, it fit with the silky cover up that draped her shoulders. Her shirt was the darkest piece, the neck line dropping enough to expose her chest. And her hair was up in a messy ponytail again.

"How sweet of you, but I've already had my dinner. Maybe next time though doll, I'm sure you're amazing company." She bid you a goodbye and the door was closed again.

But for the next three weeks, she continued to decline your offer. Simply, the fourth week you left her with little choice. You knocked against her door and patiently waited like normal. Only this time when the door opened, you didn't wait for pleasantries.

"This is the fourth week. I would invite you, but I know you'll say no. And I know you haven't actually eaten because your house doesn't smell like cooking, not even thirty minutes before. One dinner and if I'm really that bad, I will never bother you again." You held the door from closing with your foot against the frame. "We can have it here and everything."

Lilia eyed you for a moment. You really were persistent with getting to know her. So..she sighed and opened the door further. Slightly grinning as you squealed before rushing in. The smell of good take-out wafting into the air.

Your body buzzed with excitement as you began to set everything on the table as she grabbed plates and glasses for each of you. Even as you finally sat across from her, you couldn't help the beaming smile that touched your eyes.

"You really wanted to have dinner with me?" She chuckled, being the first to start plating food. You eyed her wised hands before following suit.

Your head nodded, "a woman like you is alluring. I bet you have stories to be told and nobody knows them. I wanna know all of them." You missed her hesitation as she really eyed you now. Too busy putting noodles onto your plate.

"Well I do have a few. But what are they to you? Don't you know other people who can give you better stories?" She raised, knowing you had built connections with many people through your art. How deep you could take someone with a piece of clay and a conversation.

Your head bobbed in agreement, "I mean yeah I guess, but at the same time I've failed at many connections. Pottery is selective just like tarot is. I've heard the art stories and so on, but I haven't heard yours yet. So, what crazy adventures has Lilia Calderu been on?"

That night she had told you a variety of stories. The funny ones, the ones that put you on the edge of your seat and make you wonder how she managed, ones that were sad, all of them. As many as she could because finally, someone wanted to pay attention to her and hear everything she's accomplished.

The lingering fear of being forgotten soon seemed to cower into a corner with you around. She liked it. She liked this feeling of freeness. She liked not being alone suddenly. Even as her big doey eyes watched your cheeks burn pink from laughing so hard, she couldn't get enough of it.

"My my, Lilia!" You huffed down your giggles. "I knew I wanted to know your stories for a reason! You are a woman of many lives." You leaned against your hand as you stared at her. "I wish I could've lived that all with you, sounds so much better than an average k-12 childhood."

"You're telling me, the one with the pottery shop, was average? You made your dreams come true, didn't you?" It was her turn to shine the spotlight.

"Nothing special about me. Ran around as a kid. Hid in the closet once I figured out what it was. Came out, got told it was just a phase. And then I kept quiet mostly till I got to college. Explored, studied, graduated, job, dream job. That's basically it." You sighed, taking a sip of water.

"Mm, I never labeled myself. That's the thing with the younger generations, so desperate for a label." She rolled her eyes, then suddenly they were on you with a small challenge behind them.

"Sometimes a label makes them feel validated. Gives worth to something. Haven't you ever wanted a title?" You quirked a brow to her, her move.

"It's sad you need a title to have worth," she shot.

"Says Madame Calderu?" You dodged and returned fire, only not missing.

Lilia sighed and put her hands up in surrender. Chuckling out a "you got me" before crossing her arms again. "This was nice, thank you."

"Well it only took four weeks of perusing, but I think it was well worth it....why exactly did it take four week?" Your tone curved the outcome of the night unbeknownst to you.

"I had eaten those three other weeks. You caught me when I was behind on schedule." She attempted to turn down the topic nicely. She really had no excuse except she thought you were taking pity on her. Now she could see that that wasn't true.

"Ok and I own the Mona Lisa." You mocked, earning a kick under the table. It made your eyebrows furrow quickly. "What? Can I not call out bullshit when I hear it? If you're gonna lie at least lie to me better." Another kick. "Alright! Geez lady, gonna leave me all bruised."

"Good, maybe it'll teach you some manners." She cocked her head briefly. You laughed, throwing your head back with a wide smile.

Continuing as you started cleaning up the table. "I'll have you know my mother raised a well mannered woman! I graduated the nicest in class, so I speak for myself."

Lilia stood and grabbed at the plates, her hip bumping yours. "Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night."

You shook your head while putting the empty containers into the plastic bag. "I tell myself a lot of positive things before bed. Tonight it'll be complimenting myself for finally getting dinner with you." You turned to her with a cocky gleam.

The woman just squinted her eyes and sighed out. "You're an interesting one, ya know that? That average Joe crap doesn't suit you at all."

This time you let out a snort, a hand covering your mouth and nose instantly. "You're making me blush, Lilia! But truly, if I can figure out what interesting thing you see, I'll cut the Joe out."

"Anything named Joe should be cut out. Especially the men named Joe." She rambled only slightly. You hummed in agreement anyways, trying to stay serious with her. "I knew a Joe once, he was nothing good. Just caused me problems on problems. Had to bail him out twice before deciding enough was enough."

You smirked, "does that mean I can call you next time I'm in trouble?"

"As if you would get in trouble. You're a good girl there's no doubt about it. Matter of fact, I know why you really came." She lead you towards the small lounge area. Sitting in the chair facing the window and melting into the cushions. Missing the subtle pink on your face.

You sat across in the other chair, your back to the shinning moon. Although you got to see how the moon reflected against her. Highlighting the silver in her curls. "And what did I really come here for?"

"You've learned of something and you want to help me. But I can reassure you I'm fine. I will keep moving and settle somewhere else." She eyed you curiously, watching as your mouth opened and closed. You were caught. "I appreciate the thought though. It's nice to know someone's not forgotten me."

Your brows furrowed and you frowned. "Lilia you do know living is impossible in this day and age. I'm 35 and just moved out my parent's basement. Where are you really going to go? Not saying I doubt you or anything," you already knew where you were taking this entire conversation.

"I've managed my life this much. I can manage a few more years." She shrugged it down to a mere distraction. Only for it to eat an annoyed groan from across the way.

"You so have no plan and you're accepting that! That is like the worse plan of hoping things work out I've ever heard!" You couldn't help the need to express your opinion suddenly. Even though she had never even asked or told you for sure she was getting evicted. "What happened if you don't find anything? You're just gonna be homeless?"

She knew her circumstances weren't the greatest, but what was she really to do? "I'm sure I'll find something, worst case is an old people home. Don't worry so much about me, baby."

You couldn't help it though. Ever since she introduced herself to you, you couldn't help but worry about her. "I can't help it. You're here just alone 24/7. I hardly see you leave to even get groceries."

"You pay too much attention to my life then," she chuckled. You could tell it was in attempt to change the topic to something, anything else.

"Lilia. I'm serious." Your features rested as your eyes held all your emotions.

She stared at you for a long second. Just staring. The dark chocolate swirls of her eyes werwarmer than ever before in the moonlight. "What would you like me to do then?" She wasn't giving you any sass, it was her genuinely asking you.

You leaned forward, resting your arms on your thighs and you thought. Trying to think of anything you could possibly do to help her. It looked more like you were studying her carpet than thinking....your study. It was a spare bedroom, surely big enough for her. It's not even in the works, still a board of inspiration on Pinterest. She could come live with you. You make enough to cover and with the extra money you still have left over.

Lilia watched as it clicked into place for you. Seeing the glimmer of hope find its way to your eyes highlight. "I have an extra room." You began, raising a finger as she was about to speak. Her eyes widen, "you honestly have no room to argue. No rent, nothing. But in request you help at the shop sometimes?"

She sat silent, just hard staring you."You drive a hard bargain, you know that? You must do this often if you're this good at it." Lilia caved with a huff. You made a strong point anyways. "But you forget, the clay is all your thing."

Your smile was back, "I'll teach you! I'm closed on Sunday's, so it'll be the perfect day to introduce you to the shop and all the things you'll need to know. I won't make you do anything too hard, I promise." your hand extended over the coffee table. "Do I have a deal?"

Her eyes dropped to your hand, she took it with hers. "Fine, you have yourself a deal."

But you didn't really expect the outcome of the deal after a few months of it. You learned of Lilia's habits at home quickly. Like how she's very neat, but also loves a little bit of clutter. For example the tv stand is lined with her crystals and other tarot decks. She kept a specific one on the coffee table however, perfectly stacked and only she touched it.

Although, you couldn't help yourself one night. She had already gone off to bed and you had to do the order before you forgot. Your hands were delicate with them, scared that one touch would make the paper incinerate right before you.

They were what you assumed average. That was until you pulled your flashlight out to really look at the art work and paint. Each card was hand painted and sealed, the gold 'L.C' in the corner of them told you exactly who did it as well. She hand made her deck and just left them lying about like they were everyday cards.

It gave you the perfect idea for a birthday gift for her, seeing as the day was already a few days away. The topic of gifts hadn't come up at all, even when you did try and bring it up, she gave you practically nothing. Yet now you analyzed her personal cards and had to make a matching holder for them.

Your nights at the shop had begun to drag till almost eleven as you hunched over the dried holder. Painting details that matched to the cards, wiping them off after concluding they weren't perfect, only to repaint them. It was like this for almost two weeks. It was two weeks you hardly saw your roommate or even asked her to come in.

The Friday leading to her birthday, was the first time you'd been home at a reasonable time. Not that ten was any better, but when you unlocked the door and got in, Lilia was waiting with a wine glass in her hand.

"Look who's finally home." She was sarcastic about it. Like she was upset that this was another late night with no text, call, or explanation. "Two weeks and this is the first time I'm seeing you."

"You miss me?" The joke rolled from your tired tongue. You trudged to your room, placing your bag down and ridding of your day clothes into a black long sleeve and red plaid boxers. "I'm sorry, the shop has been really busy with the schools on break. Everyone's doing homemade gifts in class and then there's just the everyday pieces. I plan to have everything fired and ready for pick up tomorrow, then I'm closed for like three days."

"So you've been busy, I could've come to help. It is the deal." She got up to pour you a glass, except you just grabbed hers and took a sip. Her brown eyes stalked you talking a sip.

Your face contorted and you waved her back down. Getting up to get your own juice and pouring it into a matching glass. "It wasn't anything I couldn't have handled. Plus a lot of it was kiln work, I didn't teach you anything about Kit."

"Kit? Who's Kit?" Her brows furrowed as she took another sip. You both sat on the couch, you turned to stare at her fully with both legs crossed, while she had one leg bent and leaned against her fist to face you.

"The kiln. He's honestly the only man I would ever allow into my life. Except it seems that people don't take kindly to a kiln being picked over them." You bit the inside of your cheek and shrugged. Really not hearing the issue even as Lilia laughed at you.

"You don't understand how a big oven being picked would offend someone? You do know what you look like and your personality right?" She raised that perfect brows. You loved when she looked at you like this, you knew it meant she was teasing you and meaning it with humor.

"I could look and act like anyone," you tilted the glass at her. "I don't know, maybe I like me and my ceramics. They can never really break my heart. It's easier to trust the Earths natural gifts than an unpredictable human with my heart."

"That's playing it safe, baby." She spoke so softly. Yet every word dug into your brain to the core. Lilia downed her glass and stood up, "I'm turning in for the night. Do you need any help at the shop with all the pickups?"

You knew you brought home hers, so she had no chance of seeing it early. "That'd be really nice, thank you. Have a goodnight, Lilia." You stayed on the couch as she headed for her door. Ignoring (attempting to) how sudden the couch felt without her.

~

The next morning you were up and making Lilia's favorite breakfast. Well...maybe not her favorite, she never outright said it. A lot of things you know of her are honestly from the context of her stories. It was working though, you always seemed to know your way with her.

"You're up early?" Her voice echoed into the kitchen space. She stood in her silk pajamas. They were yellow stripes but they suited her. "Cooking as well?"

"It's a thank you for helping me since it'll be busy today." You spun around, finding her leaning against the counter and staring at you. Yet, you couldn't figure out how she was staring. It was a look you've never seen before from her. "If you're too tired you don't have to."

"No, no...nothing like that. What are you making? Or attempting to make?" She brushed it off and was switching her stare to something more teasing and delightful.

Your nose scrunched up, "I'll have you know a wise woman once said she enjoyed my cooking in the morning. But if you must, it's French toast with cinnamon and strawberry frosting. Served cutely with a cup of coffee."

"Now you're spoiling me. Is it really gonna be that busy?" Lilia watched you plate the breakfast and serve her first. Giving her a show of garnishing. "You should hope you're wrong."

You smirked, knowing you weren't wrong. "And if I am, then this'll have been me spoiling you because I'm sorry I've been out late with no word." You hummed before turning to start your own breakfast. "It'll be nice anyways. Billy's been asking about you recently so he'll be excited to see you. So will Agatha, she doesn't verbally show her liking for people but it's in her actions and expressions sometimes. And her pottery, she really pours her emotions out. Alice also enjoys your company, she said you and Jen, that's her roommate though we all know they're together, would be good friends." You were rambling on about everyone suddenly. Telling her about everyone and how much they always ask about her. It carried you through the entire breakfast.

Lilia was left speechless. She didn't realize that many people knew about her and asked. Nor the fact you were the one they were always asking and you always had an answer. "Now you're just trying to flatter me."

"No! Really! When you come in they're gonna love seeing you! We should start getting ready though, I have a class starting earlier today and running later." You collected the plates and put them in the sink. Slipping away without another word to get into pottery clothes.

With the weather getting nicer you had settled for a light yellow long sleeve and a pair of art overalls. You had painted flowers from the splatters from projects. Slipping on your old boots and grabbing your bag. Leaving your hair in the messy clip you did this morning.

As you closed your door, Lilia's closed in time with you. Your head snapped around to her in a flowing skirt and a sweater filled with colors. Her curls were free, falling graciously down her back and you suddenly felt your heart stop. Your hand was at your chest, and you just played it to dusting your shoulder.

You hadn't said anything after seeing her then. Staying silent and scolding yourself to not gawk and drool over her. No matter how badly you could imagine your hands tangled in her peppered mane, along with the many reasons why. Your cheeks must've flushed cause Lilia was staring at you now worried.

You were in the middle of moving the paints and everything to the circle table in the sunlight. But you had stopped and were just staring out the window. Blushing from your own lucid thoughts.

"Your cheeks are warm and pink," her voice cut through. Her soft hands were on your cheeks before you had noticed, holding them for only a moment. Lilia glowed in the sun light. Just like she did in the moonlight. She was earthal. Universally beautiful. Day and night, never did she falter. A timeless beauty.

"I'm..I'm good. I just..don't worry." You managed out finally. It felt like the air was being vacuumed out your lungs. Your chest was beginning to feel tight. Is this what dying is? An angel to hold you while it all just goes warm and tingly? Or is this what love felt like? Were they the same thing?

Saved when Billy was soon the first to show up. You must be behind already. You're too distracted today. Asking yourself by what was a foolish move, you just couldn't grasp the reality of the cause.

"Oh Lilia! It's good to see you again! We've missed you around here." He greeted the lady with a hug before coming to settle at the table. "You should join our class for today, we're making a tea set this time. And since you guys live together you could divvy up the work."

"Oh no, I wouldn't want to impose. I'm just here to help hand out the finished pieces." She waved a dismissive hand, much to your dismay. Even when she caught the sad glint take root in your eye, she stood by the front desk.

"I'm sure with a good towel and teamwork, you both could manage. Join us just for the day." The teen was persistent as he tied the apron around his body. "Come learn the juicy gossip this one spills in the circles."

"I do not spill any gossip! If anything it's Agatha who tells the most," you defended your name. A finger raised in the air, "and besides, I don't live a life to have anything!"

"Oh that's such a lie," Agatha had waltzed in. Her hair already pinned back and instantly found her seat at the table. "Just last week you had a fresher scoop on Dotti and her husband before I did. And I'm their neighbor!"

Lilia looked shocked to hear this, her eyes wide as they stared at you. "And what do you know about Dotti and her husband?" She challenged you.

And suddenly it was like a switch had been flipped. "Ok so, there's an update to them as well, from like yesterday morning. So to fill you in," you slowly sat down at your wheel.

Alice came in last finally, "we're already gossiping? I knew I was running late but not this late." She filled the empty wheel to your right. Making haste to get situated and get right in.

"We just started. We're starting with Dotti." You wiggled your brows.

"Oh! Did you hear about yesterday morning?!" You nodded your head. "Oh I heard the actual end of it, it sounded good so I'm ready." Alice sat, hands at the ready.

Your hands grabbed at the clay from the center, everyone following. "So I heard that he had forgotten their anniversary....again." You got lost in telling the details, some so itty bitty they questioned if you were actually there.

Lilia, from the front, listened and paid every ounce of attention to you when not helping a customer. She noted how relaxed you were in this setting. Eyes trained to the clay that span under your fingers, shoulders dropped, smile blooming as everyone talked. Overall, you seemed so at peace. She enjoyed watching you in this state.

"Yeah, Rio said she'd join one day." Agatha had spoken when Lilia tuned back in to the full conversation and not staring at you.

"We could do a little couples pottery! Alice and Jen, Agatha and Rio, Me and Teddy!" Then he turned to you and you could only throw your head back in laughter. "It's not funny! You've lived here long enough and still haven't tried dating!"

"Oh but that's not what I've heard." Agatha was the one to eye you now. Your face reddened when you felt her gaze burn into your hair. "Rumor is you're getting home late for two weeks?"

You shook your head, "officer no! It's not what you think!" You cried humorously before agreeing though. "Yeah, I have been. I've been busy here at the shop. Someone's gotta fire everything."

"Got any witnesses to back you up? Cause it gets juicier." Agatha continued, her eyebrow sharp.

You gasped, geneuinly confused on what's being said about you. "Oh my- what have people been saying?! Do people think I'm a...whore?" You whispered the title. Devastation written all over your face.

Lilia was dying to know where this was leading. This was her answer of if you really were here all those hours or you found someone young and they just kept you out all night. Being young.

"Oh they're thinking more than that. Recently Norm has been getting home around those hours as well....I'm sure the dots connect for you just like it does for everyone else." She eyed you, everyone was. "For him it's great, they think he finally found someone. For you though, they're saying it's settling."

You were cackling at that now. "Oh my God, no! I would never settle for Norm! Never! Who even started this rumor?" You couldn't help but to see the ridiculousness of the entire situation.

Your eyes quickly, praying she wasn't already looking at you, jumped to Lilia. She was staring right at you. If you didn't tear your eyes away, you'd have spaced out but when you felt the blush sprinting up your neck you had to. It made its way to your cheeks anyways.

"I think it was Herb. He's always been close with Norm. Maybe he saw you go home late one time." She reasoned, her hands up as she finished her teapot, examining her own work. "It reminds me of Rio."

Alice chuckled, finishing her own pot as well. "Herb and Norm starting the rumor you slept with him honestly makes sense. Recently his mom and sister have been pestering him about bringing a girl around." She added.

"I don't think I've ever even talked to either of them outside this shop. This is why being the young, single, shop owner is a trap in itself. If I wasn't a young, single, shop owner they would've never even bothered. So next time you hear someone put dirt on my name, I'm going to need you to clean it for me." You pointed a finger to everyone. Making sure they really understood you were serious.

Billy huffed, "so does that mean no couples class?" He put his best puppy eyes forward. And to your surprise, Agatha and Alice had joined him in their own way.

You soaked in their pleading expressions, letting your eyes slowly wonder to the woman at the front. "Fine...Lilia will just have to be my partner for it. And she'll act like it's the worst thing she's ever done, but we all know I'm the best in town."

"Please," Lilia scoffed. "Just the other week you didn't understand why picking a kiln over a human was offensive." She handed out the last pick up for the day. Surprised that it was all gone before two. She had finally came over to see what was actually happening.

"First of all, he has a name. His name is Kit. Use it and respect it. Second, maybe people should be more understanding." You shrugged. "Alright, I say we each make at least four tea cups. They're the same as the bowls basically, but...cup shaped."

Billy waved in the air first. "No, hold on. We are not skipping that. I've first hand seen Rio try to flirt with Agatha when she's pissed off, but that takes the title for most embarrassing."

Your jaw dropped with a gasp. "Excuse me! It's not embarrassing at all!"

"It so is! You're literally hot and you're picking kilns over people? That's like the biggest case of looks being deceiving." He kept going. His hands moving around in dramatics. "Like you pull in with the great appearance, and then you pick...the oven. I bet it's something deeper. There's another reason you pick the kiln."

Agatha perked up, eyes instantly glowing. She was ready to poke at you. "Oh I bet there is. You make the kiln out of the bodies of your dates and that's why we never know who they are?"

"Agatha...what the fuck?" You used the ball of your hand to rub between your furrowed brows. "There is no deeper meaning on why I like my kiln over most people."

"Over most...there's someone you're after isn't there?" Her brown eyes bored into you, not letting you look to anyone for help. She held you hostage for an answer. "Oh there is. Who is it? Is it actually Norm?"

"No!" Your voice worked quicker than your brain. "No there is no one, and even if there was it wouldn't be Norm. Like I said, I would never settle with a man. I'm dedicated to women, have been since I was sixteen. Billy is the only one here who likes men anyways."

"You never let us poke fun at you." Billy sighed. His eyes bouncing up to Lilia. "Do you get to make jokes at home?"

In that moment, you turned up to see. A part of you wondering what she would really answer. Because in reality, you do let her make fun of you. Every day, any day if she wanted. If it earned you a smile or a laugh, you didn't care. You just wanted to see and hear her happiness.

"Every now and then I get a good one in. For two weeks I haven't made one though, someone's too busy sneaking around with Norm." Lilia made her point, her cunning smirk stared back at you.

You managed out a chuckle and shook your head, "I'm not sneaking around! Can I not just be a shop owner who was tending to her customers work?"

Alice was the one to answer, "that's too easy. You need a little spice on your name."

"No! No I don't! I like my life plain, it's never disrupted and is just there." You tried to defend, suddenly it seemed with Lilia next to you everyone was going to get a dig in.

"Yeah, except a plain life wouldn't involve late nights with no alibi." Billy pointed.

"So you really do have to be hiding something from us if you're trying to play it down." Agatha nodded along.

"I was here. I know it's the truth so believe it or not. I was here for two consecutive weeks firing and making things for people to just come paint. Because I'm starting that soon, instead of being just clay." You were insistent now, really just wanting to clear the two weeks.

There was a collection of hums, trying to decide if it was a good enough excuse or not. "And where are these pieces then?" Lilia nudged you. She hadn't seen any extra pieces in the back.

You were silent. Caught in your own lie. Usually, the three wouldn't have known what's in the back. You would've told them there, that you have a shelf near the kiln to put them all on. But Lilia had been back there. She's seen what's there and what was not there.

"Oh..seems like you've been put in the hot seat. How do you plead now?" Agatha's eyes raised to find you with rosy cheeks and trained to your own hands.

"Not guilty." You mumbled. "I'm dropping the topic." The three groaned but let it go anyways. Leaving the rest of the class to random talks about what's been happening in their lives, minus you as they seemed to already know.

And the topic never came back up till it was just you and Lilia in the shop. With the sign on the door reading close and each cleaning in different areas. You in the back putting in the pieces from today and then going to wipe down and wash the tools used.

"So...if you've been sneaking around," she raised. Holding back her laugh as you groaned. "Well you were the one who was caught in a lie."

"Yeah cause I didn't think you'd air me out like that! I really have been here. You know I don't like men, I've stressed that, so it's not even realistic. I've been here just working honestly." You sounded more defeated, maybe it was cause you were tired as the sun slowly started setting. "Why does it bother you so much, even if it was me sneaking around?"

Lilia was suddenly next to you, her lips pressed together. She was biting back her true answer and now you knew how it felt to not know the truth. "If you're sneaking around, it means it's not for the public and you just deserve better than that, that's all. I want you to be happy and well taken care of."

"I am happy. I am also well taken care of. I have no purpose to sneak around with anyone. If I was, you would've known of them by now. But there is nobody. I don't need anyone else," your sentence fell off and remained incomplete. there was a moment where you both just stared in silence. Like you both knew that there was something being unsaid. "We should finish up and get home. I haven't had a night at home in ages." Her curls bounced in agreement. Leaving your side and going back to the front, wiping down a few more tables.

~

When you got home, you could only sigh. The day had finally caught up to you and you wanted nothing but out of your clothes. Lilia seemed the same way as she had instantly disappeared into her room. At first that's what you really did believe, expecting her to come back out within five minutes to have a drink with you.

You chose something simple, a pair of grey sweatpants that hung low and the same long black sleeve from the other night. Finally letting your hair down and washing your skin from all the clay that still was on you. Feeling incredibly refreshed for the night.

You left your room, sliding in socks to the kitchen. Pouring two glasses, one red and the other juice. You couldn't help but giggle at how childish you seemed drinking fruit punch out a wine glass, mocking the wine glass that was clearly darker. Lilia had joined you only a few seconds later, wearing your shirt and pajama pants.

You pulled your legs together and stared at her. "So..your birthday is tomorrow. Got any plans? Anything you want?" You started, taking the first sip as well.

"Little late to be asking about a gift, don't ya' think?" She leaned back to fully look at you, head propped against her fist. You've realized how natural this is, how easily you both fall into this exact spot night after night.

"That's you assuming I didn't already get you something." You hummed, wiggling your brows a bit. "Anything you want to do?"

"I haven't celebrated a birthday in ages, I don't think I'll start now. But thank you for the thought." She went to shut down the topic, but your facial expression was unsatisfied. "I'm sorry, its just another day for me."

"Boo!" You gave her two thumbs down in her face. Pulling them away before she could swat them down, the sound of your laugh gracing the air. "Well, luckily for you Lilia Calderu, I have a special day planned for you that is the perfect mix of relaxing and spoiling." You beamed, proud of how well you managed to keep everything quiet till now.

The older woman only shook her head. "Baby, we really don't have to celebrate it. Really." Your stomach did flips at the pet name, the blush on your cheeks reddening just slightly. It seemed once you realized your hearts desires, you couldn't conceal anything anymore.. "Anyways, you've done enough for me this year than needed."

"That's because I wanted to do those things. You think I stood outside your shop in the cold because I needed to? I did it cause I wanted to know you. And now that I know you, I want to do something meaningful for you. Also it's a day to celebrate my favorite roommate, so yeah..we're celebrating tomorrow." Your eyes were everything of warm and giving. Lilia enjoyed this stare, how you treated her so well.

She caved, "Alright, what do you have planned? Pottery at the shop?"

You audibly gasped, "Lilia do you think that's all I know?!" You were so happy here. "I planned a late morning so you can sleep in, so I can sleep in, and then I'll make your favorite brunch. After we're going to that one show you had mentioned wanting to see, but eating dinner before because it's not till 8. Everything would be closed by the time we got out. To finish, we'll do presents before bed."

"That is quite the day planned. Is there a limit to how late we're sleeping in? And what say do I get in any of this?" She wasn't objecting to anything, so you figured you had done well. Now everything just had to go as well.

Your head shook left to right, "no ma'am. Sleep as late as you want. It's brunch for a reason. And as for what say you get, you can have all the say, I just made the plan." Your hands were in the air surrendering all power to her.

~

While you had woken up first and began cooking, you wore boxers and the same black long sleeve. Shaking your hips at the song in your head. Something about today told you that it was bound to be so much better than what you had prepared.

Today you woke up and told yourself you would hint at your feelings. Leaving it open for her to catch on in her own time, but you couldn't bring yourself to out right tell her. Not when you had no idea if she could ever reciprocate those feelings. Yet, you danced while making the perfect breakfast for you and her to share.

Your mind couldn't help to focus on her though, subconsciously flipping the pancakes at this point.

Lilia was many things, you had realized this quickly, but your favorite word to tease her with was kooky. Sometimes even wispy. She always was mumbling different tarot cards to herself. You had played it down to a pull she did earlier or something that had a significance with the card. You also used those terms when she would be scolding you for some tiny mess you had left from either cooking or doing pottery out on the balcony. Those were your favorite times as well.

If it was just right outside and you had enough free time, you would work on new techniques and designs. Lilia would bring herself, a cup of tea leaves, and a blanket that would be wrapped over her legs. She would watch you work first, maybe for the most of ten minutes, before she emerged herself into the tea leaves. You never understood it either, you weren't in her world unfortunately. You knew nothing about tarot or tea leaves. She never let you in either, not like how you did her into your world of clay.

As much as it pained you to not see through her lens, you had managed to accept it and witness from the neighboring universe. You mostly enjoyed being her witness when she couldn't sleep and asked you to come sit in the living room with her. Even if it had been the most grueling day at work, you did. You pried yourself from the warmth of your bed and to the living room.

You were unaware of the many times you did fall asleep though. Lilia felt bad most those nights, yet she needed your presence to ground her from it all. All the crazed times she travels through. But it wasn't till the first time you had came out and laid your head in her lap, so exhausted you didn't even fight it and just slept on her lap that night. Her hands pulled the lovers card as well that night.

"You're making pancakes?" Her voice cleared your thoughts instantly. Especially when you whipped around to see her. Lilia had her curls free from all maintenance, sleep evident in her eyes as she yawned. She still was in your shirt.

"Do you not want pancakes, birthday girl?" You wore a teasing smirk already. Excited to celebrate her even more as she was awake. "I made chocolate chip ones, assuming that you liked them a lot the way you wolfed down three the first time I made them for you."

"Alright no need to be so cocky, baby. It's my day remember? Plus, you surrendered all control so I'd be nice if I were you." She fed your teasing right back to you. Finding a seat at the kitchen table, knowing you were already done in time for when she woke up. Her eyes followed you as you danced around the kitchen to gather everything and set the table. "Thank you," she hummed when you placed a perfect plate in front of her. "You really have stepped up your presentation skills."

"Only the best for you Madame Calderu." You glowed with her attention on you. Taking your own seat, you raised your glass of orange juice. "Happy birthday, Lilia." Lilia smirked at your antics but raised her glass anyways. Clinking the rim of her glass to yours.

It fell quiet for the first bites, the only sound that could be heard was Lilia moaning in approval at the taste of each pancake. A childish glimmer was in her eyes. "You know how to make a girl feel special." She praised you as she continued to eat. You only giggled and let the silence return as you also ate without much to say.

Even while you cleaned up, it was silent as Lilia stayed at the table and watched your every move. You were overly aware of that fact as well. "Can I ask you a question about your pajama choice?" It wasn't what you were expecting, but you nodded anyways. "It's a mix of very feminine pieces, like silks and pinks, while other times it's this almost masculine? What's that all about?"

"Most of my clothes are the ones from my exploring as a twenty year old who didn't know what type of gay was the right one yet. So I went between being hyperfeminine and masculine to see who was right for me. Eventually I gave up because it seemed it was never me, but more so who I was with. I didn't like that idea of changing my appearance for others though. I kept a mix of it all because in the end I'm gonna be gay, so what do my clothes matter?" You had rambled a bit, being honest about the evolution of your wardrobe. "Does it bother you?"

"No...no, I was just intrigue. I do your laundry and sometimes it really does look like you have a man here whose clothes I'm always washing. I can see why people think you and Norm were happening." She smirked behind the rim of her mug.

Your head had whipped around, a mean glare being shot from your spot. "I'm not sneaking with Norm! I have eyes for someone else anyways! So ha!" You stuck your tongue out at her.

"Oh yeah? Who? Kit?" She scrunched her nose. Not giving you a chance to keep defending yourself by getting up to find a spot on the couch. Also, Lilia didn't want to hear about you having the hots for anyone that wasn't her. It awoke a green monster she hadn't seen in a long time. "Did you plan anything for the four hours between brunch and getting ready?"

You came over after finishing up, head shaking. "No, I figured id leave it open for you to decide what we do?" You sat closer than intended, the couching sinking under you and sliding you right next to Lilia. It would be rude to scoot away so you got yourself situated to be more comfortable. "Maybe catch up on the show you've missed the last few episodes of?"

"You'd really sit here and watch that with me?" She really was enjoying having you do whatever she wanted already. "You said last time, and I quote, this show doesn't even had good plot, the gayness is all portrayed wrong. No lesbian actually does that pose."

You glanced down to your hands then back to her. "For you Lilia Calderu, it seems I will do a lot of things. So if that is truly what you want to do, then I will sit here and suffer for your happiness." You sighed out defeat as she reached for the remote. "It really is not how any gay person would act, I want you to know that."

"Yeah? And how do they really act?" She turned to look at you, the first moment the brown was visible for you, your brain failed to comprehend. It was honestly a good example of a gay panic without intent. "Hmm, so I see." Her hand was on your cheek instantly following. Her eyes darkened just slightly as she searched your features.

"See..see what?" You so dumbly managed, completely in this woman's trance. Never wanting to leave it though, all her focus was you and she just saw you.

Although, she flashed you that smile and the conversation was dropped as the show began playing. Her attention no longer on you but on the screen. There it stayed for the next few hours, never breaking away. Well you wouldn't know as you caved into the body heat Lilia radiated and fell into a small nap on her shoulder.

Lilia however refused to wake you until four, lulling you into a deeper state of sleep by playing with the few strands that weren't clips back. But surely she had taken it out to really play in your hair, nails scratching over your scalp as you pushed deeper into her side. A hand throwing itself over her lap was the sign you were actually deep asleep. How long had you been up for you to be this tired naturally? The day had hardly started.

Yet, by five-thirty both of you stood by the doors to your bedrooms gawking at the other. You, in a baby pink mini dress, the back was a corset and a big bow right atop your butt. A simple white short cardigan covered your arms and white chunky heels dawned your feet. Tying everything together with an assortment of jewels and metals. Lilia, in plaid wide legged pants that flowed nicely, it was assortments of yellows and blues over a deep maroon. A plain white button up and a mustard yellow jacket that complimented with the pants. She must've been wearing some platform on her boots as she stood only slightly taller than her average days.

You smiled and your cheeks warmed when she returned it. "You look nice," you made the first step towards the door. Picking up your keys and opening the door for her. "M'lady," you bowed and gestured out.

"You look lovely as well, baby. I could almost tease you all night long while you look this cute." Huh? Had you heard her right? There was no time to question it once she was out the door, looping her arm with yours as you began to talk down. "So where is dinner?"

You slightly smiled, still caught on her previous statement. "It's a little place Billy and Alice both suggested. We told Agatha to not give her opinion after she suggested Starks. That woman and her...Rio are the finest dinners I've ever met. But it's still nice and up there, just more affordable."

"I'm sure it'll be just fine." She hummed. Her approval seemed to be something you were always constantly chasing, stressing yourself for it to the days end. You loved when she thought you did a good job. It at some point began to tickle a need and drive in you, even if you were unaware.

And the dinner was fine, actually it was almost perfect. You had known they served Sicilian specialties, which made Lilia ecstatic to try and compare them to her own cooking. Maybe you should start learning more dishes to cook.

You did let her pick your meal, seeing as you were oblivious to what half of the items tasted or even looked like. It was how you asked that stirred the shift. "Lilia...can you order for me?" You were so shy about asking her. It was such a childish thing to do, when you could've looked it all up, but she was there and knew how each one should taste.

Her hand came up to cup your cheek, her brown earthal gaze was full of mischief and mysteries. "Aww, the lil' chef out her comfort zone? Don't worry, I've got you baby." Lilia beamed anyways and glanced back to the menu. Leaving you to sit dumb and pretty.

The way her lips formed the pet name was enticing. Calling you closer when they pressed together, but pulling back when you did lean in. The deep red was perfect for her. It complimented her every shimmer of her eyes when she got lost in the topic with you.

Lilia called you 'baby' a lot more during the dinner after you had asked her as well. You squirmed in how you slowly felt yourself slipping further and further into her. The worst part about it was the fact she knew what she was doing. Her faux worries of, "baby are you ok?" Or if it was her hand grabbing yours and saying, "can I do anything to help?" Her fingers tracing into your palm, more specifically her middle and ring finger pushing them into the skin.

The server was your savior for the night, coming by frequently to give you time to collect yourself from Lilia. Trying your absolute best to pull your brain back to this planet. Especially when they brought out the little slice of cake with a candle.

The sight of it sobered you up thankfully. A goofy grin shinning from your glossed lips. "Happy Birthday Lilia," you were sparkling like the flame. This was the moment you waited for all night. To see the hidden child finally be celebrated. To see a woman to finally be celebrated for holding on. To see Lilia being celebrated for just being herself.

She felt the world disappear as she blew out the candle. Feeling the wave of appreciation you sent her way as the smoke swayed into the air. "You really are the sweetest, ya' know? Always taking care of me, from the very start. I knew there was something to you."

You weren't quite sure what that meant but you gave a nervous laugh. "I just know when I like someone I guess. I care about the people I like. You're one of those people. You always will be." Your emotions were mixed within your words and they invaded your eyes.

Lilia let her hand return to your cheek, "you make me feel special when you look at me like that."

It was the perfect opening, "it's cause you are. You've been special...and kooky." You teased her back finally. Her eyes narrowing just slightly at you, her hand falling and retreating. But you grabbed it and held it for a second, "I mean it. You are special Lilia. I've been trying to get you to realize that." A weight had crumbled from your shoulders. Even if it wasn't a direct confession, it made you feel open enough that she had a grasp of the idea.

She sighed and focused on how your fingers played with her rings. Your touch was soft and precise. She should've known that though, with how you work with clay and design such intricate shapes, of course you had skilled hands. "You might be the only one who thinks that much of me."

"Good, only I can think of you." It came flying out quicker than you noticed. Once Lilia let out a rumbling laugh, you caught up.

"What? You wanna be my only baby or something?" The confidence she radiated made you feel hot. You put yourself in this situation.

If you backed down, you'd never know. If she said no, that she didn't feel the same, you'd be ok with that. You might spend the night crying and alone but that'll be ok.

"What if I do?" You tried to match her, not even coming close when she shifted more forward. Her canine teeth barred themselves to you. The light making them look sharper than you've ever noticed.

Her tongue darted out, catching your attention to those lips again. Your breathing picked up and you felt on the edge like you've never been before. It was a long drop, you knew that, but if you just got one kiss you'd happily fall. Hell, you'd full sprint off the edge while laughing hysterically.

You pried away and back to her eyes. They were now dark rivers in the night. Lust swimming around and creating little waves of reflected moonlight. This was a look you never knew could be real. "You wanna be mama's good girl don't you?"

The names. The look. Her touch under yours. It was earth shattering. Like everything you had built and had made was only the second important thing to you. The first was her. The first had always been her. "Yes...yes please." Your eyes glossed over in seconds. Succumbing to her dominance and slipping bashful.

Lilia grew a grin that was a combination of everything from sweet and nurturing to hot and destructive. "Is that really what you want, baby?"

Your head nodded while your lips slightly parted. "Yes, more than anything. Please..." the server came back around once more with your card and the final receipt. Wishing you both a goodnight, and Lilia another birthday wish. You signed it smoothly and then huffed yourself back into the reality of what was just happening. "I really do want this."

Lilia hadn't taken you as one to have such a deep headspace, so when you were really meeting her gaze she knew it couldn't have been easy to come back from it. She was the first to stand, wrapping herself in the yellow coat. It was then she came and stood closer to you, having the higher advantage. "I do too, believe me." She leaned forward and kiss your forehead. "I do too, baby." Her kisses must've been powerful because your eyes were blown all over again. You had fallen deep back into it. She couldn't help to hold your soft cheek at it all, it was one of her new favorite moments. "Why don't we go see that show?"

You beamed and nodded. Pulling your own coat over your dress. You were instant to intertwine your fingers, letting her pull you on out but keeping you close behind. You already were a fan of holding her hand, never wanting to let go.

The only time you did was when you sat and her hand held your thigh. She left it there the entire show. It was a distraction just being still, it was derailment when her nails scratched up and down. You had tried to grab her hand and hold it still, yet she would only turn and give you this warning look before returning to the stage. You let go and traced shapes into her hand to focus from her ministrations.

It was the end of the show and not a single line had reached you. You just stood with everyone else while clapping along. The echoing applause sounded the same as the crackling of fire that was your skin. Lilia had you warming up with such light touches. But eventually, it all died down and the cool air of outside is sizzling your skin out.

"Did you like it?" Lilia had asked you, a little eager to know your thoughts on such a show. You only nodded, attempting to play it like you had been paying attention and not thinking of her and all the things she might do to you. Those wised eyes knew though, she knew you hadn't caught a single thing said the moment her hand touched your soft thigh. "Yeah? And what was your favorite part?"

"The acting." You so simply stated. Hoping it was good enough for her to not continue to press. But that would be too easy.

"Who's?" She raised her brow and all you could do was give her a blankness look while walking closer to the car. "You weren't paying attention were you?" The guilt filled your body and answered in itself. Lilia's curls danced around her as her head shook. "That truly is a shame, it's an amazing play."

Your frown was quick to appear, "'m sorry...it's just...you didn't make it easy..." you apologized. Stepping into her space and looping your arm with hers.

"Oh so it's my fault?" She lowly chuckled out her question. A cocky smile filling the silence as you stuttered out sounds but no words. "I'm just teasing you, baby. Don't get yourself so worked up over it."

"And because of your teasing I couldn't pay attention." You bit the inside of your cheek, leaning against her to throw off her balance. Succeeding in the efforts and snickering.

Lilia laughed with you, even as she regained herself. Her arm slipped from yours and her hand settled on your back. "Did I tease you the entire time to work you up? Maybe. And maybe pretty girl, I plan to finish what I started at home."

You rounded to stand in front of her, cheeks turning red but the night dimming it out. Her lips were curled with a smirk that implied everything you needed to know. Soon it was you holding her hand and dragging her to the car.

~

It started with her straddling your lap in the center of your bed. Her lips kissing all over yours and down your neck, finding every right spot to leave you gasping. The feeling felt overwhelming, to finally have her kissing you. It was feeling like everything was hypersensitive. Stinging with pleasure as she continued all over.

Your hand slipped into her curls, twisting your fingers with the pattern and holding her close. She knew how to work a body and it showed.

Lilia also knew how to stake her claim. Leaving bruises all down the spans of your neck. A silent thought to show the town you were no longer available rang in her head. And when your hand found her hair, she only could groan against you. You needed her just as she needed you. It made her blood rush with anticipation. She wanted to make you feel better than you've ever felt. Really secure her place in your mind. Making sure nobody could ever come in and kick her out.

Her lips were plush against your pulse. Even when they covered her teeth as they sunk into you, the moan slipped straight from your throat. Your free hand flew to steady yourself on her hip, feeling the heat radiating from her. How it seeped through her clothes and onto your exposed skin.

"Lilia..." You hummed before swallowing thickly. You didn't know what you were actually asking for, all you knew is you wanted more of her. In your sight, on your tongue, in your hands, echoing in your ears, and filling your every breath. The very feeling of her on you wasn't enough as you really caved into her. "Mama..."

Her hum vibrated against you, "Yes baby?" You whined at the pet name finally. Knowing that if there was anytime to let her know her effect it was here and now. And the way she called you 'baby' always tickled something deeply rooted in your brain.

You sighed out, the hand on her hip began fisting her top. Begging her closer, "more..."

"So needy...I bet you've been needing me for a while haven't you?" Her movements lightened to almost ghostly passes. It made your skin crawl with goosebumps. "You're the perfect gift for me baby." She spoke low and with rasp. "My perfect girl."

You gasped at the claim. "All yours..." you tightened your grip. Just the subtle touches of her, the amber and deep musk invading your lungs, the sounds of her lips on your skin, sucking, bruising you, everything. It was everything this woman was doing and also wasn't doing that drove you into override. Your mind felt hazy and your body felt hot and tingly. "Mm..please mama...I need more." You whined.

Lilia pulled off, cupping your cheek and seeing that long gone look in your eyes. Your pupils dilated to the very brim of color. "I hear you baby," she hummed. It was effortless to get you to lie down. All it took was a glance back at the pillows and you were crawling frantically to get comfortable. "You look so damn adorable in this dress. Just like a doll."

Your cheeks warmed further and you couldn't help the small grin. "Thank you, I bought it just for you," you bashfully confessed. And suddenly you were on your knees showing yourself off to her.

"Isn't that just sweet of you, dressing for me already. And you're so well mannered baby, you really did want to be my good girl." She smirked as your head bobbed in agreement with a proud smile. "You'll be good for me right? Even when mama buries her cock so deep in you?"

Her hands were holding you firmly in place and she was back in your space. On you without even an inch apart. Lilia was struggling to keep her control and work you up...but fuck you for being so precious. She couldn't help the need to destroy it. To make you her slutty baby.

Her shuddering breath made you lower back down from her. Sitting back on your heels and staring up at her. "Yeah...yes..yes I'll be good even then. Promise," you batted your lashes.

The lust in her eyes deepened to something darker. "Mama's gonna have so much fun with you baby."

You glowed with innocence as you eagerly settled your self back into the pillows again, this time Lilia trapped you down with her hands on either side of you. Her devilish smile seemed nothing of mischief to you, so you were giggling up to her. Relishing in what you thought would be slow and languished.

How naive you were.

Lilia's lips were latching to your chest completely disregarding your already bruised neck, making you gasp and cry. But she made a whole new mural of purple across your collar bones. Leaving your chest rising in deep breaths. "Nobody's gonna think you're single now baby. No more rumors with you and anyone else."

You tried to catch yourself to respond but before you knew it her lips were pressing over your covered stomach. "I'm gonna fuck you in and out of this dress so nicely, baby. The things you make me want to do."

"Mama..." you whined while your hips bucked into the air, bumping into her chest. It made you realized how clothed she is against you and your dress. Your hand grabbed her shoulder, fisting the shirt just once more and pulling carefully at it. "Your shirt...off please." You were polite even in your stare as she obliged.

Letting you drink in the sight as she undid each button one by one. Soon the white fabric was on the floor and she was in just her white bra. Her boobs spilling out just right. Your eyes twinkled with thoughts of kissing them and sucking on them. Making her moan and hum in delight.

Lilia must've seen the gears turning cause she returned to kissing her way down. "When I'm done with you, then you can have whatever you need from me. Got it?"

Your head agreed, "yes mama." Your eyes focused on her between your legs. You were desperate to burn it into your brain. More desperate for her to actually eat you out though.

Lilia was kissing all around your core. Your thighs were left with even more love bites than your chest. "I can't wait to taste how sweet my girl is." She pressed her lips to your clit, smiling to herself as you sharply inhaled and body stilled. Her fingers hooked into the waistband, pulling your white panties down and off your legs.

The cold air over your wetness made you shiver in anticipation. It was when her warm breath fanned over you did you cry out. "Please, I need you so bad mama. I can't take any longer." You pleaded.

It was the richest honey her ears had ever been given. Her tongue flattened against you and in one swipe she collected as much of you as she could. Humming in content at your taste that was all hers. This was her secret stash of honey that only she'd ever be allowed to use. And she couldn't get enough.

Her tongue ravage you in ways you didn't expect. Like she had done this so much it was practically second nature. The thought made you shift slightly, but Lilia seemed to know you in this state like the back of her cards. "I've never had anyone like you baby. I just can't get enough. You're so fucking sweet. So...god who did I please to get you? Hmm? My sweet, sweet fucking girl."

Your body loosened and began to heat up. The coil in your stomach tightening in the most delicious ways. "Ma..mama..don't stop please.."

She hummed against you again, picking up her pace and pushing harder against you. Slurping up as much of you as she could as you came with a cry of her name. Her actual name.

You had snapped back to feel the reality of it for just one moment. To grab her hand and squeeze it as she kept licking and sucking at you. And then as conscious as you were, you were back to whining for her.

Lilia delivered one last lick before placing kisses all over your hips and thighs. Trailing all the way up to your lips, were you both hummed at the taste of you. "We're gonna have issues now that I know you're just a piece of my favorite candy. I'll never be able to resist you, baby."

You, still trying to catch a steady breathing, giggled. "You're exaggerating, mama." Your hand cupped her cheek and you smiled widely once again.

Yet, Lilia only crashed her lips to yours once again. This time a little more rough as her tongue slipped in while you gasped. Establishing itself and dancing lead with yours. She was making sure you tasted what she just did. And when she pulled back, her eyes were sharper as they stared down at you. "The way I'm going to fuck you will make you realize just how humble you are. That you wont believe that's how people want to do you. But only mama will get you. Only mama."

It was much more commanding now. The air felt thicker and you felt your body melt into the mattress you were in flames.

Your heavy breathes were the only thing to be heard as Lilia stood and riffed of her pants. Swaying her hips as she disappeared out the room. You took the minute she was gone to just breathe and calm your racing heart beat.

All your efforts were instantly thrown out however. Lilia returned, and much to her word, she had a rather large strap around her waist. Although it looked rather real if you had any say. She pointed towards the ground in front of her. Flashing her sharp teeth as you obeyed and she was able to collect a fistful of your hair. "Go on. Suck mama before she ruins you."

You loved this switch. Yes her softness and delicacy were nice, but this side of her made your skin crawl with heat. She was dominating everything from your body to your mind. There was nothing besides Lilia.

Your plush lips wrapped around just the tip and Lilia's brows twitched for a split second. You had begun to bob up and down her, chalking it up to be the sight getting her off the most. It was when her hips began to roll with the movement of you, hitting deeper in your throat. Then her hand in your hair had begun to tighten and her hips started snapping faster. She was throat fucking you. Groaning and gasping at the desperate way you held her thighs to stabilize yourself as tears rolled past your temples. All while you kept your eyes on hers.

With one last deep thrust, warmth had shot down the back of your throat and Lilia gave a shaky moan. Her hand let up in your hair and you slipped her out your mouth. You swallowed once to get everything down. Cheeks bright red as you stared at the twitching appendage. White cum still oozed slowly out the tip and your eyes had jumped up.

But Lilia didn't explain anything, she just pointed to the bed. "On all fours baby." Was the only instruction.

Apart of you was in conflict. Something was whispering so quietly to pull out of the deep space you were in. It was so quiet it was gone with the sound of floor creaking under your knees as you stood. Finding your spot in the middle, exactly how Lilia wanted you. Listening to the room around you to find the woman.

Her wised hands ran over your hips, one up your spin and to your neck. Pushing you down into the mattress. Her fingers ghosted the curve of your body. "And look, there's even a bow in the back." She played with the fabric a little before flipping it over to bare your ass to her. She was memorized by your glistening folds. "You're impeccable, baby." She held your hips more firm and lined herself up. "Mama's gonna take such good care of you baby. Don't ever worry again."

You let out a strangled moan as she bottomed out, letting out her own grunt as well. Her chest was pressed against your back as she gave you both a second to adjust. And after five, she was slowly easing into her pace. Pulling all the way to the tip, just to slam all the way back in. "Look at you, already taking me so well." Her lips pressed against your spine.

"Th..thank you..'mmhh..mama," you managed. Your hands fisted at the sheets and your hips started to push back against her. Helping her to find a deeper, softer spot. Once she registered it was your sweet spot her hips moved quicker.

Snapping against you and pounding you into the mattress. "Fuck baby...I don't think I can ever let you leave now. Not when you're sucking me in like this." It was brutal how quick she was moving.her hand snuck around your body and two fingers circled around your clit.

"Fuck...fuck me mama. Just like that. Please, please, please just like that." You felt your breath hitch in your throat and your body tighten. It felt all so good, so warm, so right. You clenched around her as you let a moan echo into the room.

But Lilia kept going. Her pace never faltering as she just slammed into you. Her nails digging into your beautiful hips, pulling you back against each thrust. It felt like she had began to find deeper as your body was working up all over again.

"You're so captivating baby, ever since the day you first arrived. I couldn't help myself but want more of you. And denying you..god that was the worst part. I was denying myself. But now, now we're done denying." You heard her words but they felt like muffled harmonies just passing through.

Your body tensed again and you were crying out again. "Mama..." you tried to get away, leaning forward out her grasp.

Yet she had one last thrust in her. She let you slip just away enough, that when she slid right back through your tight warmth, she found the golden spot. Sending you into an intense aftershock and she filled you full and groaned against your shoulder. Her arm hooked around your waist and held you still with her.

Both of you panting and hardly having anything to say. "Let's get you out this dress." She whispered, kissing your sweating temple.

You felt her slip right out of you and lean back. The sound of the harness coming undone caught your ear, yet it never hit the floor. Using your remains strength you pushed up to look for it. But it wasn't anywhere to be found. And when you looked to Lilia, she was walking away from you into the bathroom.

Your mind only thought it over so long before Lilia was returning in a shirt and with a wet towel. She offered you a hand to stand which you took. It was subtle the next moment. Her hands untying the dress and freeing you from it. The pink fell to your feet and you were suddenly butt naked in front of Lilia. Blushing madly as you caught her eyes in the mirror.

She licked her lips. "Oh baby...we might have to do a round two."

~

"That wasn't part of the plan Lilia!" Agatha scolded the older witch. "I need my walking darkhold conscious and aware of reality. Not whimpering and begging mama!"

Lilia sat in the chair feeling ashamed. It wasn't meant to happen. They were supposed to come and pull you from the many witches and warlocks who've added to the Scarlet Witch's curse. Those who knew of your knowledge worked to conceal you into your fairytale life.

But when Agatha Harkness formed a coven to walk The Witches Road successfully, she needed more. She needed you. The walking Darkhold. Secluded and alone between an apartment and clay shop. They were nice enough to give you two locations unlike Agatha.

"Ok, well let's think. She's oblivious to us all having powers. So we're still clear of being detected as anything." Alice pointed out the pro.

"I've been doing pottery with magic for how long and she hasn't noticed." Agatha added. Her blue eyes trained to Lilia as she thought. "Did you use any magic at home?"

Her big brown eyes shifted to look away. "Last night I did..." she murmured but the coven easily knew what she said.

"Oh my god Lilia! You man," Billy nudged her while walking by to get a drink from the kitchen. "So what if you ease her to question it? You have the deepest, no pun intended, connection with her. Drop things of the darkhold to her."

"Are we sure giving Agatha Harkness back the thing is a good idea anyways?" Jen crossed her arms, being against this idea in the beginning.

"She's not a thing." Lilia and Agatha said at the same time. Eyeing each other in suspicion.

"Let's run with Maximoff's idea. What if you mention details I feed you? Ones I know she knows on the fly? I'll write them down and you'll leave them about the place." Agatha played off the boys thought.

"And what if it doesn't work?" Lilia raised the opposing. Apart of her didn't want to break you out. She wanted you all to herself. If you were out you'd be spending all your time with Agatha trying to recreate the Darkhold.

Alice crossed her arms and held herself a little tighter. "We have no choice but to try Lilia. What harm could it bring?"

"Unleashing the last source of spells that have been put into a hook called 'The Darkhold' for a reason." Jen scoffed. As much as she didn't like the idea, she was running with it to free someone 'bound'. She knew that feeling herself.

Agatha hurried around and scribbled down spells onto a variety of sticky notes. In total making seven and handing them to the divination witch. "I need her out the spell Calderu. Don't let whatever feelings you conjured for her little personality ruin this. Or so help me, I will walk in next time and drag her out."

It was an honest promise kore than a threat. Lilia knew that. "Fine. I'll put them around the house tonight before she comes home."

"Good girl," Agatha hummed before leading them out the apartment. After Jen had left, the brunette turned one more time. "Lilia. Get this done so we don't have to be vicious."

So she did. She placed the spells in the places she knows you go straight for when you get home. One in the key bowl by the door, one in the bathroom on the mirror, your pajama drawer, on your nightstand by your charger, the fridge on your fruit punch, in the cup cabinet, and lastly on the black tv screen. It was impossible to miss any of them.

But it didn't prepare her for what you had planned for coming home. You waltzed in basically shinning with joy as you pecked her cheek. She sat in the living room, anxiously waiting your arrival.

"Today was so busy! Busy but good!" You clearly missed the note in the key bowl. There were six other chances. "Pour me juice and I'll be right out," you gave her another peck and we're off into the room.

You first collected something to change into. Feeling a sweats and boxer outfit, you collected the black sweats from the closet and boxers from the top drawer. Grabbing a hoodie as well and throwing it all on to the bed.

Heading into the bathroom next. In need to wash away all the grime and clay that lingered. The note caught your attention first. Your brows furrowed and you mumbled over the words. Something about them felt staticy on your tongue. You even went as far to check yourself in the mirror.

In all, with the new unease you continued through your routine. You were changing clothes when the house just seemed too warm for a hoodie, so you swapped it for a tank. Another note with gibberish was lying on top. Had Lilia placed these about? What are they and why in your drawer?

You kept moving about, finding another next to your charger. You figured you could ask if you brought them to her. Including the one you caught on the tv. "Lilia? What are these notes?" You had four in your hands and none of them made sense.

"Baby...I need you to really concentrate. Do they seem familiar at all?" Her brown eyes were wide with pleads. None of this was making sense to you. "Have you tried saying them out loud?"

"They're in a language I don't even know. What is it even? Latin?" You wildly guessed. You took your spot right next to her and kept trying to read them. "I'm a bit confused. This feels like earlier when Rio stopped by...said something about reality and I just assumed she was making a bad joke."

"Yeah? And what did she say?" Lilia stood, briefly leaving your side to grab the other three. Bringing them back and setting all seven on the coffee table.

You shrugged while staring. "She was on about Agatha needing me in a different reality. Like we knew each other somewhere else. Then she said this one was cute and boring. I need an adventure." You intently focused on the fifth note. "You know Latin right? Said you took a class? Can't you read these?"

"I can, but it's not about me." She shook her head.

"Then what's this about?" You picked up the note and really traced the letters. "This one kinda seems familiar. Like I've seen these letters arranged once before." You kept repeating what you could.

Eventually your broken syllables turned into words. Then you were chanting them. Your body shook with a cold rush that ran all through your veins. You've known this feeling before. Your eyes fell to the other notes, realizing what they were. You knew these spells.

"Oh thank- fucking finally hun!" Agatha's voice barged into the room.

"Oh my- Harkness what the hell happened?" You shot up. Where were you and who were these people around you? Your eyes dropped to your hands, so did Agatha's.

Her chuckle of relief washed the room. "Oh you still have it all. Oh, the Scarlet Witch. She destroyed every copy of the Darkhold. But not you. You got buried deep. Weeks. Months of coven work to get you freed."

You scoffed. "Please, Agatha Harkness and a coven? That's the biggest joke I've heard in my life. Is that who these people all are? Your coven?" Your bite was so familiar for the purple witch, but new to everyone who'd met your false personality.

"I see why you two get along." Jen huffed, taking a seat over on a stool. "So how'd you meet her Darkhold?"

"Unintentionally. She was fucking around with the book, casted a spell and poof! The literal embodiment of all those spells and things you would let take over your morales." Your smile was sickening.

"Yeah, well I need you." Agatha cut the rest of the conversation. Snapping her fingers in your face to get your focus. "I need your knowledge. I need you to rewrite the book."

You sighed, "it's always need, need, need with you Agatha."

"I just freed you from how many curses? This is how you respond?" She was in disbelief.

You nodded, "uhh yeah! I was only in that curse cause of you! Dragged my ass to Westview and played house and now look! Whose house are we even in?!" Your hands were wildly gesturing.

"Yours! Well yours and Lilia's. Ya know? Mama?" Agatha's brow arched and her smile was nothing but teasing. "I know you remember more of those months than you're letting one."

Your eyes dropped to the oldest witch by your side. Well...technically you're the oldest living thing in the room. "You fucked me with a magical dick?" Your brows furrowed. Her cheeks blushed heavily at your forwardness. "I wanna put a pin in that for sure, but in the mean time. Even if we do recreate the Darkhold, it won't be the same. Especially since I have a horrible drawing hand so I could get you the correct formations for certain rituals."

"I don't need rituals! I need power," she groaned. Her hands on your shoulders and pushing you down to the couch. She crouched and held your hands. "You hold over thousands years of dark magic up in the pretty brain of yours hun. I need you to use it for me ok?"

Lilia tensed at the way Agatha was speaking to you. Like she had once been the one to dominate you. "That's because I am well into at least my five thousands."

The three in the kitchen finally took further interest in you. "Hold on," Billy pipped up. Rushing over to hover over you as well. "You're over five thousand years old?"

"I'm the embodiment of that dumb book, yeah. Unfortunately. And you kid, your mother was a pain in my ass. I mean seriously, even under everything, every curse, spell, binding, I could feel her using the book. She never slept, kept me lingering for ever." You pointed before dropping to Agatha again.

"What do you say, hun? Just like old times?" Her blue eyes were silently, and so hidden deeply, begging you.

Lilia was for sure you'd go. That those dark fingertips that used to be clear from all mischief would run off to cause destruction. Leaving her forgotten.

"No."

The room erupted in to confused 'huh's. Except for Jen who was laughing in Agatha's face at the backfiring of her plan.

"What the fuck do you mean no?" Her hands gestured in your lap for any explanation to this.

Your eyes found Lilia. "I want to stay here with her. You're right, I do remember those months. And I remember how real it felt with Lilia. Unfortunately do hope as the Darkhold, I'm still accepted." You were in just her world. "I can give you everything."

To engrossed in those deep swirls, you missed Agatha groaning as she got up. Already just accepting her defeat on having you fully, but she was going to get those spells.

Lilia's hand had come up to your cheek, a thumb stroking over it as her heart swelled. "You really mean it?"

"You'll have to relearn me is the only downside." You placed your dark fingertips on her hand. Finally drawing all the rooms attention to them. The blackness ran far up your arms and under your shirt.

"Wait, wait, wait. Before you go swearing yourself into marriage Bookie I need to know you'll at least give me spells when I need them? I just need something, anything from you." She had that signature annoyed look she always had with you.

"If you ever call me that again I'm not helping you. But for now you have yourself a deal. But don't think you're getting any of the good ones." You hummed, not really paying any mind to her anymore.

"We should go before they start making out..." Alice mumbled, watching you and Lilia get closer and closer slowly. It was comedic how they all scurried out.

The door closing as you, the knowledge of the Darkhold, laughed the wondrous Madame Calderu for the first time clearly.

"I never gave you your gift did it?" The question fell from your lips softly. You were quieter when with just two people. Her curls shook left and right. "Yeah..you did fuck me pretty good. Imma go get it, I know pottery me would've wanted you to actually have it."

You pressed a kiss to the back of her hands and went to get the bag in the corner of your room. Bringing it back with you to the living room. "Here, she even wrapped it according to you."

"You say she like it still wasn't you?" Lilia sensed the disassociation with roommate she fell heavily for.

Your head shook, "I know that she wasn't me. I would've never made anything in bed that easy." Your smile was still the same though. Even if the eyes with it were full of contained wickedness and chaos. "Go on, pretty girl. Open it."

Her cheeks heated under your prominent gaze. You're right, you wouldn't have made sex easy. As she pulled out the white and yellow paper, she couldn't help to think of how the age gap has shifted. You were millenniums before her. She wasn't even close to one thousand. Her hands touched something cool. Grasping around it and pulling it up.

It was a ceramic card holder. The details being all so familiar to the witch. They were the same ones she painted long ago by her own hand. It was almost replicas of each card lining around the sides. But the cover was her most favorite part, the big queen of cups stared up at her. Except the difference was the color in curls. They weren't red and young like how Lilia's was, these were peppered like hers now. Like the face you had met.

"You knew?" Her eyes leaped to yours as her fingers couldn't help to take in every inch of texture.

Your head nodded slowly, "I always had an inkling I was missing something but I wasn't ever going to piece together the truth. And it was the amount of attention the card. I figured one plus one equals two... do you like it?"

"Baby I love it. Thank you." She whispered so gently. This time she leaned in. Her wised smile pressing to your goofy one. It felt natural already and made all the chaos you hold disappear into a void of knowledge.

She was someone you could get used to.

[aziraphales-library]

Hello! Thanks for all your hard work, I’ve found so many good fics through here.

Do you have any recommendations for human au fics where Crowley and Aziraphale have known each other for a long time before becoming romantically involved. Could be acquaintances or co-workers or even friends, but looking for a good rec without a real meet cute/strangers-to-lover situation! Thanks so much :)

Hi! We have #friends to lovers and #childhood friends tags which you can check for lots of fics like this. Here are some more to add...

be mine tonight (be mine forever) by artenon (T)

Aziraphale knows he’s a solitary person. He knows Crowley may very well be his only true friend. He doesn’t mind this. He does, however, very much mind learning that his coworkers have a betting pool on whether he’ll be coming alone to the department holiday party next week. He especially minds when he learns that the reason there is a betting pool in the first place is because their intern, young Newton Pulsifer, is the only one naïve enough to believe Aziraphale might have a date. ----- In retaliation to a bet made against him, Aziraphale asks Crowley to be his date to the office holiday party. Certainly there are no flaws to be found in this plan. Certainly the secret love Aziraphale has been harboring for Crowley for the past several years won't be an issue. Certainly not.

Slipping by AppleSeeds (T)

When Aziraphale's friend and colleague Crowley asks him out at their work Christmas party, Aziraphale turns him down, having only ever thought of Crowley as a friend. Months later, Aziraphale's feelings for Crowley have changed, but due to a series of increasingly ridiculous misunderstandings, they both become convinced that the other isn't interested in a romantic relationship. (They're just adorable, oblivious, and pining, that's the whole fic.)

Wanna Bet? by Mimsynims (E)

“What do you mean, ‘you can’t find my name’?” “I’m sorry, sir. We have bookings for all of your colleagues, but your name is missing. Unfortunately that means there’s no room set aside for you.” “Right…” Crowley could guess who had made the ‘mistake’. “But surely there’s another room available? It doesn’t have to be on the same floor as the others’.” He would actually prefer it if it wasn’t.  “I’m afraid not, sir. Due to the conference all of our rooms are booked already.” The young woman on the other side of the counter looked genuinely distressed. “Most hotels within the vicinity are.” Crowley sighed and furrowed his brows. He didn’t even want to be here in the first place, and now he didn’t have a place to sleep? Knowing Gabriel, it would be no use asking to be allowed to go back home.  “Let me check something…” The woman brightened again, a small smile growing on her face. “Yes. It’s not ideal, but it seems that two of your colleagues have been placed in double rooms. Perhaps you or someone else can consider sharing?” Anyone want to guess who he ends up sharing a room with? ;)

On The Side by FeralTuxedo (E)

Aziraphale is far too pure of heart to be anybody’s bit on the side. Or so Crowley thinks. But when his friend starts seeing walking red flag Jim, with his dodgy smiles and mysterious past, Crowley does everything he can to protect Aziraphale from disaster. His own heart might just end up being collateral damage.

i've found a way (a way to make you smile) by curtaincall (T)

Crowley worked in Sales. He had never intended to work in Sales. It had just sort of happened. One moment, there he’d been, a newly minted university graduate off to change the world, exquisitely useless Philosophy degree in hand, and now here he was, having sauntered vaguely downwards into a Hell that consisted mainly of cold-calling new customers and sucking up to existing ones.   AU based on The Office.

Between Comfort And Chaos by anathxmadevice (T)

“And how long have you two been a couple?” “Oh, I—” Aziraphale panics. “Ha, well, that’s a funny… We’re not actually—” “We’re just friends.” Crowley says, their voice clear and calm and lightly amused, either because of or in spite of Aziraphale’s flailing attempts to divert the conversation. “Ah, yes, quite.” Aziraphale says, then takes a sip of his drink just for something to do, instead of focussing on the way Crowley said just friends, and how it causes a painful throb in his chest that he has never fully got used to. His memory can only scrabble at the edge of a time where being just friends with Crowley didn’t feel like a particular form of torture. * Or, Aziraphale has been desperately in love with his best friend and housemate Crowley since they were students, but is too scared to do anything about it.

- Mod D

[ridingforrohan]

The Tenth Queen of Rohan: Chapter 1

Hello everyone, I've been working on this fic since January and now that I have met a few more people interested in Rohan on Tumblr I decided to start posting it here to see if I can get it out to more readers! The story is based two years after the events of War of the Rohirrim and focuses on Fréaláf's attempts to rebuild Edoras and Rohan after the devastation of the long winter and Dunlending invasion. I also have it be in compliance with the events of my sister's fic to wild whispered places which sets the scene for what Héra and Fréaláf do in the immediate aftermath of the events of the movie, with minor changes.

This story expands on the lore of the characters and the Rohirrim as a people, including their customs and stories.

Chapter 1 finds Héra in Gondor on her wanderings, where she has befriended one of the daughters of a local nobleman and engages in some lighthearted tax evasion (weird but you'll see).

Read it here on AO3 or in the text below!

“Are you sure about this?” Héra asks as she wraps her arms around her friend’s waist. The little stallion they sit on prances in place, his unshod feet clacking on the wooden slats of the dock. His mistress give him his head and points him at the barge, “Yes, we do this all the time. Just hold on very tightly.”

The other woman gets a good hold of the horse’s mane and sends him forward into the night. He bunches himself up neatly from a trot and springs up from the dock onto the deck of the barge like a cat.

“I didn’t know horses could do that.” Héra says, a little breathless.

Her friend, a young Gondorian noblewoman named Halloth pats her horse on the neck, “Wídfara is clever, he learned from the mules my father keeps for moving cargo.”

“From your father’s mules?”

“Wonderful animals, I’ve never seen one put a foot wrong. I rode one until I was ten.” Halloth tells her.

Héra had met Halloth several months past. The princess of the Riddermark had been visiting Osgiliath on her travels. She had wished to see the white city for herself, sail down the Anduin to Pelagir and through Ithilien, then on to the coastal city of Dol Amoroth in the south. After a week in Minas Tirith she had been instructed to meet with Halloth’s father to secure safe passage on a ship with honorable enough crew to be entrusted with Rohan’s breakaway princess. Halloth’s father had read the letter and delegated this task to his eldest daughter. The two had met over dinner and after had gone to the stables to discuss their horses.

Halloth’s family mostly kept mules and a few gentle drafts, perfect for manning shipyards and moving cargo but not riding horses. Halloth had shown her the one exception, a short backed little gray stallion. He was odd in his form and Halloth had explained his breeding. Her mother’s people lived in Anórien and had considerably more pasture. When she had turned twenty she had traded a valuable necklace gifted to her for two mares from the Harad. Small but swift little beasts, hardy and graceful animals unlike the mûmakil the Haradrim rode to war. This stallion was the offspring of one of these mares bred to her grandsire’s stallion. A headstrong beast with a great black mane, known for his speed and dubious breeding.

They had spoken much of horses and when Héra sailed south she left her beloved Ashere in Halloth’s care, trading her for a borrowed mule Halloth promised would serve her better on shore and endure the voyage without fuss.

When she returned she found her mare fat and happy, having grazed along with Halloth’s stallion for the entire two months she was gone. In time they would see if she was with foal.

Now they find themselves on a docked barge, Wídfara nosing curiously at pallets of barrels. Halloth pulls him away, “That’s wine silly horse. You don’t want that.” “Why are we here to look at this again?” Héra asks.

Halloth leans over to inspect the seal on one of the casks, “My father has been sneaky in his dealings again. Beren put quite the import duty on wine from southern Gondor to try and fund more naval support to ward off piracy, which is all well and good except it drives up the price of wine in the white city significantly.”

“Can’t wine be made in Anórien or closer to Minas Tirith?” Héra asks.

“Did you ever wonder why it is not produced in Rohan? Not in any quantity anyways.” Halloth asks, swinging her leg over her horse’s neck and sliding down his shoulder to the ground.

“I thought my people didn’t care for it.”

“Wrong,” Halloth tells her, pausing to light a torch, “It’s because you can’t grow good wine and importing it all the way to the Folde would cost a fortune. Your climate is colder, your land drier, your season shorter. Fine for growing grass and horses but not wine grapes. This makes your wine less sweet and more acidic. Or rather, I don’t think Rohan really has vineyards, but the wine from Anórien is disgusting.”

“I had no idea.” Héra says, taking the torch and holding it aloft.

Halloth nods, “Now to keep the good people of Minas Tirith from rioting over this, my father has benevolently struck up a deal with the harbormaster who is supposed to inspect the cargo and verify it’s contents.” She points to the first pallet, “These bear the stamp with his seal which mean they have been counted, but the ones in the back do not. This is because he supposedly did not see him. He can take his cut and claim to have not been privy to the cargo brought in without his seal if we get caught. However, without his seal it’s harder to sell and it’s difficult to offload three hundred casts under the table and turn a profit. Luckily I have this.”

She retrieves a woodcut block from her saddlebags and a small jar of paint, “Now, unknownst to the harbormaster I have a copy of this seal. I traced it and had a discrete worker at the shipyard carve me a replica, so now, with a little work all of the cargo can be marked as officially documented by the port of Osgiliath, while we only pay taxes on the amount the harbormaster has put down in his ledger. Then we see it in bulk to a merchant who takes it to the white city.”

“Sneaky, pass me that, I’ll paint it on for you.” Héra offers.

They spend the better part of twenty minutes ensuring the casks are all stamped before Halloth instructs Héra to cast off the lines holding the barge to the dock. It drifts downstream with Halloth at the tiller, docking again a mile downriver. The undocumented part of the cargo is removed from the hold under cover of dark and a new crew comes to row it upstream to where it was docked before. Halloth and Héra remount the stallion watch the quiet operation, “I’m not sure what my father would do without me. He went to bed at sundown, too lazy to utilize the cover of night for his covert operations.”

One of the porters looks up at her, “He knew you would see it done my lady.”

She smiles and offers him a pouch of coins, “Of course, see the men are well rewarded for their efforts there should be more than enough to pay them and buy them breakfast.”

“Is your lord father still looking for a husband for you my lady?”

“He is doing his best, last week I scared off some poor spineless lordling from the city. I cannot imagine that is good for my reputation.” She teases, “Why Garrin, are you offering your hand?”

“Ha! As if I could my lady, shall I call for someone to see you home?”

“Wídfara can outpace any trouble I meet on the road, thank you Garrin.”

The horse leaps away and Héra looks out at the first light of dawn on the river. The Snowbourn river which runs from Edoras to the Entwash is a fast glacier fed river much unlike the wide expanse of the Anduin which moves gently through the city of Osgiliath to the sea.

“Does your family trouble you with thoughts of marriage Héra?” She asks jovially.

Héra feels an uncomfortable weight settle in the pit of her stomach, it had been some time since that had been spoken of.

“Well,” She starts, “The only family I have left is my cousin and if I marry he said he would abdicate the throne to my son. Only I don’t want to marry, so really we’ve been more concerned with his marriage. He won’t make me marry if I do not wish to, and I don’t. We’ve discussed it at length.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot about…well…from what you’ve told me it sounds like your cousin is a good man.” Halloth offers.

“The best,” Héra agrees, “I feel terrible leaving him in Edoras alone but I can’t stay. Not for too long anyways, we agreed I would stay for winter. He does not like the idea of me on the road when the cold sets in.”

“How much older than you is he?”

Héra considers, “Nine years.”

“A young king.”

“Very, my father didn’t take the throne until he was much older.” She tells Halloth.

They ride in silence for a few minutes before Héra asks, “Are you being forced into a marriage?”

“Not forced, but my father is getting older and my parents are anxious to see me settled. I think he regrets all the years treating me as his oldest son.” Halloth sighs, “Worse still he’s been very public about the dowry he’s offering, so he hasn’t even had to go looking for suitors.”

“How much?” Héra asks.

“Enough to build a small keep I think. His dealings have been lucrative over the years and the battles he has won at sea have not gone unrewarded. Much of it is in gold, legally he can leave me coin more easily than land and titles.” She explains, “Better yet while he lives it is easier to safeguard said gold from my husband, though he neglected to tell them that.”

“What would you do with it?”

“I don’t know, buy horses? Nobody really needs that much money do they? There’s nothing worth having just for yourself that can be bought with that.”

“Marry my cousin, you can rebuild Meduseld and have all the horses you like.” Héra teases.

“What a thought, though I’m sorry to say it, I don’t think a towering blonde horse lord would suit me well Héra. I’m sure he’s lovely, all the men of the Riddermark I’ve met seem like a good spirited and kindly type but the size of them is incredible and they are so…how to put this…I won’t say they are poorly mannered as that isn’t true but they are so much…I met prince Haleth once and he was…”

“My brother.” Héra warns.

“Don’t worry I was not going to speak ill of him,” Halloth says, “In truth he seemed a man of great character. I just meant that he filled up the room. His voice was booming and he was so tall and broad. I think most of the gondorian noblewomen seemed a little scared of him.”

Héra smiles weakly, “Yes, he was something. Fréaláf isn’t quite all that.”

“I’m sure he would have made someone a lovely husband, but not me.”

“You probably met Fréaláf as well, if it was the last time Haleth was in Gondor.”

“I don’t recall. It was a busy night. Your brother only stood out to me because well…as I said.”

She nods, “So what is it you’re looking for if not a man of Rohan?”

Halloth considers, “The same things one looks for in a horse I think, well built, sensible, good manners, carries themself well, does not descend into hysterics over the unexpected, easy on the eyes, that sort of thing Héra.”

Héra laughs, “Well aside from my cousin who you have so rudely rejected out of hand I don’t have anyone else for you.”

Halloth sits tall in her saddle, “Well, thank goodness for that. Everyone else seems to.”

“You could be like me, running wild and unattached.”

“Tempting thought.”

When they return to Halloth’s parent’s home they put her horse to bed and retire to her room,. Héra pauses for a moment before offering, “You could come to Edoras with me for winter.”

“Why?”

Héra shrugs off her coat, “Well, as you said, nothing happens here in winter. You’ll be stuck here with all of the annoying lordlings of Minas Tirith riding over whenever the weather is fair to court you. We just had a war, men of marrying age are scarce in Edoras at the moment.”

She meant it as a joke but she thinks of Haleth and Háma and suddenly it does not feel so funny.

“I think you are just trying to pass your cousin off on me.”

Héra flops down on Halloth’s bed, “Fine. I promise I will not. It will be fun. There will be snow and I think my people have had enough time to heal that they will be back to celebrating our winter holidays. You can see all of our horses.”

“I would not be a burden?”

She shakes her head, “I don’t think so.”

They pack the horses lightly, hoping to make the trip in a little over a week. Wídfara and Ashere are both fit and fat, they make excellent time the first two days and even stop in Anórien to visit Halloth’s kin there for a few days. A week later they arrive tired and dusty at the gates of Edoras.

“Are those barrows?” Halloth asks as the horses trot past.

Héra nods, “Our kings and some who would be.”

Halloth nods, “I’m so sorry.”

They ride in silence until the guards at the gate greet Héra and welcome them inside.

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Gray 2

First / Previous / Next

"Next!"

The voice called out gruffly, and the line shuffled forward another step. Little by little, bit by bit, the line moved though customs as people tried to get into the station. Finally, they came upon a human, average height for the species, with dirty blond hair cropped short on the top of their head, wearing careworn clothes. He was carrying a large bag over his shoulder, and set it down as he approached the counter.

"Name." It was not a question.

"Gord Beaverbrook."

"Planet of origin?" The agent was bored and only half paying attention as they scanned the human's passport card.

"Earth."

At that, they looked up sharply. "Lying to an immigration officer comes with immediate expulsion. I must have misheard you. Planet of origin?"

The human's eyes widened slightly. The immigration officer - a Tylan - didn't notice the subtle change in body language. "Oh uh, my mistake. Orbital High Parvati."

They looked down at the passport card and grunted. "Colony Worlds eh? Leaving like the rest?"

"Something like that, yes."

One of their eyes flicked up to the human and stared just a moment longer than was comfortable. "Final destination?"

"Wait friend, is that required? Last time I came through, they just wanted to know where I came from and how long I was in town, not where I was going." The human looked back at the line and smiled - with his mouth shut - apologetically.

"Sapient, that has been the requirement the entire time I have worked here. If you are unwilling to divulge-"

"No no, it's fine. I've held up the line enough." He sighed. "My final destination is Lemilar Station."

"Lemilar? You're at least ten Gates away from Lemilar."

"Yeah, I have to ride the circuit. Can't afford to Flip over, and it's not like anyone is running a Flash. Transiting the Gates is the most affordable way to travel."

The terminal chirruped and the agent grumbled as they handed back the passport. "Damn refugees. Clogging up the place." They looked up at the human. "Forty third level is where the rest of the human and K'laxi refugees are if you want to see more of your kind." They looked past the man. "Next!"

Gord shouldered his bag, and walked past customs and into the promenade. It was wide and long, with shops on either side, and room for tables to be set out so that people could people watch. It was the same as any of a thousand orbitals, stations, and starbases he had been to in his long life. Sapients milled about, living their lives, going to work, meeting friends and living.

The thing that stuck out for Gord was the lack of humans. This station was far, far from the settled Colony Worlds and humans were rare here. He was used to being in the majority, even if he wasn't - technically - a human. These days one kept that kind of thing to themselves. Bouncing the pack to redistribute the weight, he started walking across the promenade, to look for the way up to the forty third level.

"Hey! Ape!" A Gren called out to Gord while was walking by. Gord didn't stop.

"I was talking to you, ape!" The Gren stood up from his seat at a restaurant, and approached Gord. Behind him two other Gren looked nervously at their friend, but didn't stop him.

Gord shrugged his pack off his shoulders and put his hand on it. Meeting the gaze of the Gren he sighed. "Yes, friend? What can old Gord do for you today?"

"That's an odd accent you have, Ape. You just learn Levinen?"

"No, I learned it a while ago, but I was taught by a Ivarr with a lisp."

At that, the two Gren behind the bully chuckled. Ivarr are insectoid species, they all speak with a slight lisp.

"Oh, a comedian. I see how it is." The bully turned back to his friends. "I mean, getting chased out of your own systems is pretty funny, so I do have to give you that." He tipped his head back and roared laughter, his mouthparts waggling along.

"All right then, I'll be on my way." Gord bent to pick up his bag.

"No, ape. You won't" The Gren put a large hand on Gord's bag. "You see, new arrivals have to pay an... administrative fee to get up to forty three. One hundred Stars."

Gord raised an eyebrow. "You know, if you hadn't been greedy, I probably would have just paid your extortion money." He looked around the large Gren at his two friends. "Thirty Stars? Would have paid it without any question. Even Fifty I would have grumbled, but paid so as to not cause trouble. But, one hundred stars? That's just too much."

The two Gren looked at each other for a moment. "Hey Tam, maybe the humie is right. One hundred seems like a lot to ask. Most of them are coming with the clothes they are wearing and that's it."

Tam turned back and raised a hand like he was going to cuff the Gren. Quit taking his side! I'm in charge here, I do what I want." He turned back to Gord. "One hundred Stars."

"Friend, I don't have one hundred Stars."

"Then you can't pass." Tam crossed his upper and lower arms. and glared at Gord.

"You see Tam - it's Tam? - You see Tam, that's a problem. I'm trying to get up to forty three where the other humans are, so that I can get my bearings and maybe work a bit so that I can buy passage through the next few gates. If you prevent me from doing that, then I'll be stuck here."

Tam took another step towards Gord. "One. Hundred. Stars."

Gord made a show of reaching for his wallet. "Look, I have Fifty on me - I was going to find a cot and get a bite, but that can wait-"

"Oh, you're going to pay, one way or another!" Tam roared, and his larger lower arms swung at Gord.

Faster than anyone thought possible, Gord had shuffled to the side of Tam, and the punches went wide. "Tam, really. I would wish you'd see reason and not do thi-" He ducked again as Tam wheeled around and tried to kick him with his strong, reverse articulated legs.

While Gord danced and ducked around Tam, he looked back at the two other Gren. "Look. I don't want trouble, fellas. Can I give you like ten Stars - just so you can say you shook me down - and I come back in a few demi cycles with a few more?"

The two other Gren's eyes were locked on Gord. They noticed how he was dodging every attack without seemingly putting any effort into it. "Uh Tam, maybe we should take the humie up on his offer. Do ya see how he's dodging you?"

"He's just getting lucky!" Tam was starting to breathe heavily as his swings got wilder and wilder. Gren had immense strength, but only in short bursts. They had almost no stamina. Finally all four of Tam's arms tried to roundhouse punch Gord. he side-stepped them and Tam spun around once and fell over, gasping.

Gord walked over and picked up his pack. "Uh, I'm just going to uh, go." He said to the other Gren. "Give Tam my regards, and I'll see you around eh?" Gord continued on down the promenade.

The rest of the walk he was very deliberately ignored. He found the lifts and went up to the forty third level. Here, if one squinted, one could think they were back in the Colony Worlds. Maybe Hyacinth, or Picaresque, or one of the other smaller starbases. Humans and K'laxi were around, in numbers Gord expected. He took one loop around the refugee level to get a feel for it, and sat down at a table outside an all-day breakfast place.

A busy K'laxi saw him, and waved. After a moment they approached. "Sorry! It's been a busy afternoon. My name is Ma-Ren, and I'll be your server today! What can I get you?"

Gord looked at the K'laxi and seemed to get lost for a moment. She was a spitting image. Ma-Ren's ears flicked nervously at the stare.

"Sir? Do you need another minute?"

"Oh! Sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just been a while since I've been somewhere with so many K'laxi. It feels like home. I'll uh, have the pancakes. Do you have any maple syrup?"

Ma-ren laughed. "My mother talked about maple syrup and how good it was. Something like that was probably left in the Colony Worlds. No, here you get regular sucrose syrup."

"Oh, okay, that'll be fine. Any chance of some coffee?"

"Sure thing. I'll bring you a cup now, while I put in the order for the pancakes?"

"That would be lovely, thank you." For the first time in months, Gord smiled widely.

[pertinax--loculos]

Long Excerpt

I'm sorry, but I love this WIP.

Of all the things I've written, I feel this one most deserves to be wrangled into something publishable. Trad or self or serialised-free-on-the-internet, I don't really care, but it always feels like there's something there with this. I keep coming back to it. It lives in the back of my head.

So here's the beginning, just for fun.

Lyssa

You would think, after saving the world, a person would get a modicum of peace.

Stacking shelves at a grocery store is not conducive to such indulgences.

I’ve just directed yet another customer to the product they were looking for that was literally two feet in front of their face when I see a young girl out of the corner of my eye. She’s clinging to her mother’s leg, alternately hiding her face in the woman’s thigh and then peeking out in my direction. There’s just a little too much noise and distance between us for me to hear what she’s saying, if anything, but I’ve seen the setup enough to know the outcome.

I open the next box with unnecessary aggression. The haphazardly stacked packets within seize the moment and burst forth to scatter all over the floor.

“Fuck,” I say, probably too loudly considering I’m wearing a uniform in a public place.

It’s not enough to discourage the little girl’s mother, or perhaps she just doesn’t hear me. She edges closer and I busily start collecting the bags that have slid improbably far across the slick lino.

“Um, excuse me.”

I glance up at the woman, still partly bent over, fishing beneath the shelves for the packet I know is under there.

“I’m sorry, I know you’re busy. It’s just – Carlie saw you from over there, and we were wondering – she was wondering—”

A pause. I know what she’s going to say, but the apology and the acknowledgement that I’m working have mollified me enough that I just straighten and wait for her to work up the courage.

“—are you Lyssa? Lyssa Moore?”

It’s not my actual last name. I assume. Actually for all I know it could be, but that doesn’t change the fact it was assigned to me after my parents sold me to an organisation they could not have possibly understood and my original identity was destroyed.

“Hi. Yeah. I’m her. Uh, that’s me.”

Classically articulate and full of wit and brevity. I don’t let my face change, refuse to show embarrassment or acknowledgement of my utter lack of eloquence, just continue to stare at the woman. Forget to modulate for my serious case of resting bitch face, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” She beams, strokes a hand over the girl’s head. “Carlie is such a fan. You wouldn’t – I know you’re at work, but do you think we could trouble you for a photo?”

I’m pretty sure my eye twitches at the word fan. Fan of what? Of sending teenagers to their death, into a battle that by all rights should have been fought by a proper military force, or at the very fucking least adults? Of experimenting on children on the off chance that something bizarre would work and give them an edge that in the end didn’t really matter for the vast majority of them? Of abandoning those very same children within months of them completing this stupid, lifechanging, world-saving mission? Of leaving them to fend for themselves without any real life skills or qualifications beyond saving the world so that at least one of them ends up working at a fucking grocery store?

Carlie peeks out from her mother’s leg again. It’s not her fault. The girl is maybe ten, so she probably wasn’t even alive when it all went down. She’s been raised on the same narrative as everybody else; learning our names, our faces, revisionist history taught in schools about how it was up to us to save the world from certain disaster and we stepped up to the plate. Heroes, saviours, look at these kids that did the impossible. If you study really hard and do all your homework and don’t do anything naughty maybe you could grow up to be super-special and admired and deified just like them!

I offer the mother a smile that I hope isn’t as brittle as it feels. “Of course. C’mon, let’s get something better than shelves in the background.”

I actually don’t care about the background, or the quality of the photo, but once the mother inevitably posts it on social media I want as few identifying features in it as possible. I grab my hoodie off the stock cage holding all the boxes and pull it over my head, hiding the recognisable uniform and the name tag that displays something that is decidedly not my actual name.

[keyboard-mang0]

Prologue Part 2

Letters from Inazuma

Genshin x Fem! Reader

Notes: I've had this ready for like... two weeks and just forgot about it.

Words: 2,763

The Cavalry captain has not seen the letters Y/n had sent nearly as often as he heard his brother talk about them. A continuous tirade of the Ragnvindr picking apart every tiny detail till he was nearly going mad.

Not that Kaeya could blame him. After Diluc had first taken Y/n in, she somehow managed to force reconciliation between the two brothers. Due in no small part to Lisa telling her that Kaeya was actually her uncle. A scheme only pushed further forward by Y/n roping Jean and seemingly half of the Knights of Favonius with her into helping.

But here and now, Kaeya can only share in Diluc's worry for his niece. And lurk over every word her letters share with them. Sharing every bit of information he can gather with his brother, whether it be about Y/n's tasks as an adventurer, or about the people she's come to associate with.

So after an entire six months of waiting since the last letter. When the next arrives while the pair share their latest findings, both are eager to learn of Y/n's whereabouts.

←→

Dear Father.

Against all odds, I made it!

I signed on for Captain Beidou's fighting contest, apparently it was being held for just people without visions. And the Traveler apparently cheated badly enough to specifically not be allowed to join again. The fights were hard, and I saw many fighting styles I wasn't familiar with in that ring. It was incredible, and though I lost and left with more than a few cuts and bruises. I did manage to talk to the Captain about my journey, and she said I could work on her ship to get to Inazuma!

So now, I am in Inazuma, with some new scars and a new appreciation for people who can withstand sailing half as much as Captain Beidou's crew does!

What a fascinating land Inazuma has already proven itself to be. Luckily the restrictions on foreigners traveling outside of the port town of Ritou has become much more lax since the Traveler came and went. So while I did have to endure the pains of paper work on bureaucracy, I've been allowed to more or less wander freely.

I've not been here long, but there have already been so many adventurers guild commissions. So yet again, I find myself keeping quite busy in this new land, renting rooms from various inns as I travel. Even with their civil war ended, there's plenty of trouble for an adventurer to get asked to solve.

Though even outside of commissions, trouble still finds me anyway. Most significant is I somehow luckily managed to dodge arrest. Ok maybe that's not completely true, I got arrested, but wasn't actually charged with anything.

While between commissions, I quite literally bumped into a new friend. His name is Itto… or perhaps it's Arataki? I'm still learning the Inazuma customs for introducing oneself. Anyway, he is quite a character, talking up himself and his friends that he refers to as his gang. All while being rather impeccably friendly, if loud, very very loud.

Somehow what was just me bumping into him turned into him showing me some kind of beetle fighting game. Which somehow turned into him and his gang inviting me to get food with them. Which somehow turned into getting roped into helping them with the odd jobs they were hired for. I'm not completely sure how it turned into that, but it was a good time with good company, so how could I complain?

The trouble came during the odd jobs, I'm not entirely sure what we were doing, but in the middle of it a woman's voice started shouting. I didn't think much of it, but Itto and the gang all froze immediately. Apparently my ignoring the shouting woman was the wrong thing to do. As it then quickly escalated, and in my panic about the woman who Itto called Kujou Tengu, I tried to run. Didn't make it far.

And so we all ended up in jail. Which sucked, but strangely Itto didn't seem that bothered by it. The reason why came in the form of Shinobu, the deputy leader of the Arataki gang. Who somehow managed to talk to Kujou Tengu about releasing us, and was successful enough that we were let out with essentially no trouble. Though I'm still deciding whether or not I should have found it a surprise that many of the guards seemed to be more than a little familiar with Itto and the gang.

Shinobu and I ended up getting along quite well, even if we started off on me accidentally getting all of her friends arrested. When I told her and the others about my journey, she seemed to understand. It was rather nice to talk to someone who could understand the want to find your own path, and choose your life without being directed by anyone else.

If only you could have been so supportive.

Since that fiasco, I've found myself somewhat regularly spending time between commissions with the Arataki gang. Despite them calling themselves a gang, I don't think I've seen any of them commit any kind of crimes. They just sort of stick together, taking on each day as a group rather than leaving each other alone. It seems like a pretty nice way to live.

I hope that this friendship I've made with them all will last beyond my time here in Inazuma. I have no idea when or why I might come back, but if I ever do, there won't even be a question of whether or not I try to track them all down again.

It sort of makes me miss the adventures I went on with Amber and Noelle. I hope they're both still doing well. Please pass my regards to them both if you can. And everyone else while you're at it. Think of it as a new way I'm trying to continue dragging you away from work to go see and talk to people.

You shut yourself away too much, Father.

Sincerely,

Y/n Ragnvindr.

←→

Even if he had cared to hold back his laughter, Kaeya would have been unable. All too amused at his niece's run-ins with foreign law enforcement. Seeing no particular reason to worry since the situation had been resolved. 

His brother however was less enthused. Diluc glared down at the letter as if his glare could send his lecturing directly to his daughter. The slight frown tugging at his features only further shows his distaste. Whether it be in Y/n, her friends, or Inazuman law, is hard to tell.

An exasperated sigh escapes the cavalry captain, his steps bringing him to his brother's side to drop a comforting hand on the red head's shoulder. “Hey, this is all a good thing. She's living her life how she wants, making friends that sound like they have her back.”

“But think of the dangers-” Dliuc starts.

Kaeya covers Diluc's mouth with his hand, “that you, me, and Jean have all taught her how to handle. Even without a vision, that girl is skilled with a sword.”

Kaeya removes his hand to settle back into his seat, “she is doing well, be proud of her for that.”

And this time, Diluc tried to let go of his worry for just a moment, because his little Y/n is doing so well. Even without him to help her.

<>

Just over eight months pass before Y/n's next letter arrives. Delivered at the hands of Mondstadt's outrider guiding a feline woman through the city streets. A small package delicately clutched in the Inazuman's hands.

“So remind me who you're delivering to?” Amber chatters, all but skipping along the cobbled road.

“Ms Ragnvindr has paid for careful shipping to a Mr Diluc Ragnvindr. And we at the Komaniya Express guaranteed safe delivery!” matching Amber's pace and tone, Kirara's steady hold on the small parcel does not shift with her movements.

The brunette's eyes widen from excitement “oh, a package from Y/n!?”

“Do you know her?” The nekomata questions, her ears flicking as Amber suddenly pivots nearly entirely around to change which direction they move towards.

“Oh yea, Diluc is her dad. I think he had a shift at Angel's Share today, he'll be so happy to hear about how she's been!” Amber's cheerful tone only builds up more as she speaks. Before long the familiar sight of the tavern she's had to drag Kaeya and Eula away from greets her.

Without any hesitation the outrider swings the door open and pokes her head in, just to make immediate eye contact with Diluc. “Oh good, you are here.” She states simply before throwing wide the entry to allow Kirara room to pass.

Business first, Kirara marches up to the red headed man, eye contact unwavering, “are you Diluc Ragnvindr?”

A slightly bewildered nod from the man and the cat woman straightens her posture, “I work for Komaniya Express, a courier service in Inazuma! You may call me Kirara.” She delicately places the parcel on the bar top. “Ms Ragnvindr hired me to deliver this to you, sir.” She reaches into a side pouch hanging from her belt. “And this letter to go with it!”

“I see, thank you for this.” Diluc mutters, delicately holding the letter up to attempt to inspect under the lamp light.

“I will be in the city for a day or so before returning, if there is anything you would like for me to deliver back to her.” Kirara announces before promptly turning on her paws and leaving the bar.

Glittering eyes stare a hole into Diluc's head, “Well go on, and read it!” Amber goads, broad smile taking over her features.

Red eyes scan over the bar, this early in the day few patrons make an appearance. No one to disrupt him. A short hum and the soft sound of a tearing envelope, Diluc's gaze drifts over the hand writing he's come to be so painfully familiar with.

←→

Dear Father.

How do I express how much has happened in these months since my last letter? Inazuma is a beautiful nation, and every time I feel I've beheld the most amazing sight it has to offer, I find something even better waiting on another one of the islands.

Of course like anywhere else it has its own dangers. Just last week I chanced upon a group of bandits preying on an old man walking the road alone. I simply could not stand by, so I went to defend him, and these bandits were far more capable than I'd faced before in Mondstadt or Liyue. The way one of them coated his sword in electro energy was rather terrifying. Every day I find new reasons to wish I had a vision of my own.

In the end I did win with rather minimal injury, just some scraps and light burns, but my sword was broken by the electro wielding bandit. The blade shattered and it took me almost an hour crawling around in the grass to find all the shards of it. But as it turns out, the old man is a swordsmith, and he was so grateful for me protecting him that he offered to repair my sword for me.

He led me back to his workshop in Inazuma City, and after taking the shards of my sword told me to return in a few days. So with time to spare and no way to take on commissions, I found myself playing tourist even more than I had before. Wandering the streets and trying out various food carts and restaurants.

During this time I encountered someone who I might call even stranger to interact with then even the Arattaki gang. You see there was a food cart that sold the most delightful sweet treats called dango! So one of the evenings while waiting for my sword I returned to that cart. The man seemed eager to close up and go home, so when I arrived I bought the last two skewers of dango he had.

The problem arose just after I had given him the mora for the treats. As I was about to leave the man suddenly looked very afraid while looking at something behind me. When I turned I came face to face with a woman dressed in ornate purple clothes. She was eyeing the empty tray of dango on the cart as if it had insulted her. As I turned her glare turned to the skewers in my hand, but she didn't say anything, just continued to stare.

I didn't know what to do, so I panicked a bit and offered to share with her. Almost immediately she seemed to visibly perk up and brighten. Which led to me and the strange woman sitting on a bench by the side of the road and sharing dango skewers. Anyone who passed us by seemed to throw me strange looks, and she hardly said so much as a word to me. 

But all in all, it was a rather pleasant evening. By the time the dango was gone a second strange woman with pink hair and what appeared to be fox ears arrived. She looked at me in a similar way that Uncle Kaeya would when he thinks he's being funny. The first strange woman just quietly stood and left upon the pink woman's arrival, while the pink woman wished me a good night and left with her.

Inazuma is such a strange place, but perhaps that is just my own lacking knowledge of the nation's culture. I wish I had more time to learn about it all, but the Alcor will be returning soon, and when it does I'll be making my way on towards Sumeru.

I wonder if I'll meet any old schoolmates of Miss Lisa's.

Also, I'm going to send this with a handful of pressed flowers I've found while wandering. As well as a recipe for the dango, and ingredients for a few servings. I have no doubt that Adelinde will be more than capable of making it perfectly so everyone at home can try them. Think of it like a little treat we're sharing together, even if I'm far away.

Sincerely,

Y/n Ragnvindr.

←→

Diluc ended up leaving the Angel's Share soon after receiving the letter. Not even waiting for his shift replacement to arrive before he was strolling through the gates of Mondstadt. The package tucked under his arm, and mind racing at who the women described in the letter were to seem so strange.

Still lacking a conclusion as he enters his manor. No matter how many times he walks through that door, he cannot help but notice the lack of noise his child made.

“Adelinde.” Diluc calls out, the maid in question looking up from her task at her name being called.

“Yes, Master Diluc?” 

The package Y/n had sent is placed into her hands “There's a recipe and ingredients inside, please make two servings and meet me in my office.”

Turning and walking up the steps of his home, Diluc does not wait to see Adelinde move to the kitchen. Nor does he track how long he spends staring into his fireplace as he waits.

His information base in Inazuma is lacking, nor did he maintain contact with his old informants in the country after the nation was closed off. “Perhaps Kaeya will have a better chance at knowing who they are?” He mutters aloud.

“Ah, is Master Kaeya joining you?” Adelinde's voice calls out from the doorway.

Much to his own shame, Diluc flinches, too caught up in his thoughts to notice the maid walking in. “Ah, no, he won't be.” Diluc gestures a hand to the empty seat he pulls beside him in front of the fire. “I thought it would be nice for you to join me here.”

With a soft smile the woman takes her seat beside him, holding a plate out for Diluc to take, delicately holding small different colored doughy balls skewered on wood sticks.

Diluc pulls the new letter from his coat, holding it out for the woman that assisted him through raising Y/n, “Y/n sent another letter.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent there, the pair chatting about the letters, and sharing in the sweet treat.

Wondering how much more lively it would be if Y/n really were there to share in it with them.

[theromanticscrooge]

I started coming out of the closet among friends and family in late 2020. When quarantine started lifting and more businesses opened back up in 2021, I re-entered the workforce. I wanted to be recognized as a transman despite being pre-hrt and any surgeries. Originally, I interviewed and took a position as a horticulture technician. In my case, that title was a fancy way of saying "I water, prune, and tend to indoor plants at local businesses."

The second day in, I told my boss that I was trans. She said that was fine as long as it didn't interfere with work. That seemed reasonable. It seemed like a green light. She referred to me by my preferred name vs my legal name, too.

Everything was okay for the first two months. I learned the general checklist for plant care and common issues to look out for/how to remedy them. Most local businesses were friendly enough. The dentist's office on my route said that I was doing a good job. It seemed like I was fitting in okay and performing well. I thought I'd be here for awhile and even hoped I'd be there after an indefinite point when I'd start HRT and what changes would come with that.

I wanted to be referred to with he/him pronouns. It was getting to the point where I was felt like I was increasingly uncomfortable with pretending to be a cis woman and damn, I was sick of pretending to be something I'm not. Presenting as cis was temporary for me; as in there would be deliberate effort on my part to change my features and appearance. I'd been there long enough that people knew my name, I had a route, etc. It'd help me feel comfortable there; the last step to really being part of the team, right?

And considering my boss' initial reaction, I thought being accepted was a real possibility. I asked to be referred to with he/him pronouns around the shop. Her first reaction was "You haven't told any of the customers about this, right?" No. Then she followed up with, and keep in mind that I'm paraphrasing here, "I can't see you as a man. I'll always see you as a woman in my mind. I'll try to use your pronouns but I just can't see you as a man." I don't remember the exact phrasing. In essence, she said the unspoken part out loud that some cisgender people still operate on if they knew you before you started transitioning.

After that discussion, I had trouble performing regular job tasks. I fumbled badly enough that I was laid off a week later. I had one more interaction with my boss after getting laid off; she used my legal name. I want to reiterate: I honestly did fuck up badly enough that I don't chalk up getting laid off to discrimination. Maybe I should have reached out to HR about accommodations in regards to pronouns or coming up with a workable game plan to come out more gracefully at work. I don't know.

After that job, I went strictly by my dead name and presented as cis at other jobs and in public. A combination of my experience with this boss and some disparaging remarks from my dad made a certain part of my reality painfully clear: my potential employment and means to live were threatened by transphobia. If I existed as a trans person in public, especially if I didn't pass, it made people uncomfortable. Especially potential customers, people that signed my pay checks, etc. I was convinced that I'd be in the closet forever; that it wasn't safe to come out and transitioning would never be an option for me if I wanted to live comfortably in any capacity.

This became untenable. Thankfully, I'm in a spot where I was able to start HRT and I'm about six months in now. I came out to my current employer and she was very accepting. She's the best boss I've had in the last ten years, hands down. I'm sharing this story because I want to say, very loudly: If you're trans, you deserve to exist. Bigots can be uncomfortable. Its miserable staying in the closet, trying to stay small/stealth, and you deserve to be yourself in public. Unfortunately, I know this is becoming increasingly difficult, but I hope you feel supported and continue to fight for your right to exist fully as you are in every part of your life.

If we have to work to live, its not unreasonable to ask to be recognized as your true self at work. It means that you'll be a much happier, productive person and despite my own crappy experiences, I think there's still plenty of managers and employers that understand this. I was lucky enough to find one.

Hopefully, you'll find that too. Whether it's a direct employer or something like Patreon supporters, art clients, whatever works. You deserve to be you at home, in private, in public, and definitely at work.

[thezombieprostitute]

Museum Tours

A/N: Written for the @the-slumberparty​ Bingo card, combining "Vacation" and "Avid Fan" (the latter might be weak, but I've had this story in my head for a really long time and it's nice to have an excuse to write it down). Reader is referred to as she/her but no other descriptors. Warnings: I don’t think this has any, but please let me know if I missed them.

When Donna told Steven he was to be a Tour Guide for the museum gala he was initially elated. At last! A chance to prove how good a tour guide he could be! He made sure to dress in his finest and even attempted to tame his hair. He arrived well ahead of when he was supposed to, so eager and happy to have a chance to prove himself.

About an hour into the event, Steven’s hopes were dashed. These people weren’t here for tours or even to learn what the museum had to offer. They were only there to network and brag about how much money they’d donated. All of his studying and reviewing was for nothing and, worst of all, he lost another chance to prove himself.

Steven left the main area (when Donna wasn’t looking) and decided to treat himself to enjoying the exhibit without the pressure of other people and that’s when he saw her. She was dressed well enough that she was clearly a guest at the gala but, more importantly to Steven, she was actually reading the placards and looking at the exhibits! He walked up to her quickly and accidentally made her jump and yelp.

“Oh, so sorry about that,” Steven rushed. “I was just hoping to offer my services as a Tour Guide to the exhibit.”

She chuckled and responded, “it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting anyone to be around. Attendees usually just stay near the food.”

“You’re an American?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m here on vacation. I don’t often get out here but I’ve heard such good things about the museum’s collection and wanted to see it for myself. Thankfully the gala gave me a good chance to look at everything I want without having to compete with crowds. I love museums but I tend to feel rushed when there are so many other people around.”

“I hear you,” Steven said. “I’m usually just working at the gift shop and I can’t tell you how chaotic things can get there.” Steven’s smile grew as she giggled and nodded her understanding. 

“Customer service jobs can be so terrible. But if you work the gift shop, what brings you here tonight?”

Steven straightened his posture and told her, with pride, “I’m something of an expert on Egyptology and was asked to be a Tour Guide for this section of the exhibit.”

“Really,” her eyes widened with excitement. “I’m an avid fan of Egyptology but there’s just so much. Any chance of getting a tour? I’d love to learn how these pieces of the past join together to form a culture.”

“I’d be absolutely delighted! My name is Steven, by the way, and if you need me to stop talking, or explain something further, saying “Steven” is the best way to get my attention.”

“Noted. My name is Y/N by the way.”

“Very nice to meet you! Now, let’s start with this idol of Horus over here.”

A few hours later the PA system announced that the museum would soon be closing. Y/N looked genuinely disappointed. Steven, ever the gentleman, offered her his arm and he practically glowed when she didn’t even hesitate to link her arm with his. 

When they entered the main hall Donna was immediately on Steven about where he had been. Not that any of the other guests had wanted a tour, of course, but it was “unprofessional to leave an event.”

Y/N stared at the woman, “This gentleman has been the best tour guide I’ve had in ages. My every question was answered and he is very talented at storytelling. I will very much suggest to my family, the Y/L/N estate, that we invest further into your museum. Especially if it will pay for Mr. Grant’s promotion.”

Donna fumbled over her words as her brain tried to catch up. “Y..yes, of course. I’m glad to hear Steven was such a help.” 

Steven walked Y/N to her car. Before she got in she said, “next time I’m in country, I’ll have to make sure to visit you again. It’s been such a delightful evening, thanks to you.”

“It was a pleasure, Y/N. I hope to see you again.”

[eartheats]

have you seen any weird orthworm color variances? i imagine seeing them all the time, there's gotta be some memorable ones

!!! anon, ya caught me at a good time, actually--i was about to go and make a post with someone i was happy to see out and about again, but! this'll be a really good opportunity to talk about this, so here we go!

so! so so so. the orthworm ya typically see are a bright, blazin' red, but some orthworm are born blue instead! yer "shiny" orthworm, essentially. there's not a whole lotta difference between 'em and a regular orthworm despite the drastic color shift, but the few shiny friends i've seen have been mostly localized to the asado desert, and they tend to be more on the ravenous side. i ain't sure if that means they got somethin' similar to lulu's iron deficiency goin' on here, but they tend to be on the hungrier side, from my experience with 'em. shorter limbs, too.

but!!! very occasionally and mostly at night, ya can see somethin' similar to these orthworm out and about:

[picture: a bright, almost minty green orthworm with a very light green underbelly, pink eyes, and instead of the blue limbs it has pink ones. unlike the picture, it almost looks somewhat oxidized; the skin is quite splotchy. and while averting it's gaze from the camera, the orthworm seems more shy than anything]

now, these fellas right here--if i had to make an educated guess, i think this is what albinism looks like in an orthworm! these guys have a lotta sensitivities to the rain and sunlight in particular, so ya don't see 'em very much :( and fer good reason. most'a the ones i've seen don't tend to do well, and the other orthworm tend to be pretty unkind to 'em due to the constant need to eat. so they still exist, but they usually have to burrow much deeper underground and eat a LOT more.

the picture i got here is of one i called niki! i saw her quite a few times when i first started workin', but she was real sweet when i did! 😊 and she definitely fancied lulu a bit, heehee. but that was years ago. i hope she's doin' okay.

but! funnily enough, i saw this old bastard's still kickin' even after the storm, and ya wouldn't believe my relief at it!

[picture: a deep, plum colored orthworm, with a dark metallic green underside. it's eyes are a deeper shade of pink, while it's limbs are a dark purple that's almost black. unlike the picture, this orthworm looks like a surly bastard; very scarred up, and he's missing at least two of his limbs and half of a third. while he sits still for this shot, he looks very annoyed and seems to have been given a figy berry for his cooperation. his skin also look somewhat oily, or at least seems to have a shine that's almost reminiscent of a rainbowy oil spil]

this old boy's been around fer as long as i can remember, and he's actually recognized and protected by the rangers around here--he's officially got the name bismuth, but we just call him the old shiny bastard. heehee! he's one tough customer; most pokemon and even trainers around here learn real quick that ya don't fuck with 'im, because fines are the least of yer worries with this guy. he's apparently got a bit of a reputation as like...he'll help the rangers sometimes if they got a mutual enemy (usually somethin' that disturbs his huntin', because BOY does he hate gettin' bothered without incentive), but otherwise? ya leave this old bastard to his business. old man's survived his share of battles and ya can occasionally see him chewin' on tinkatuff hammers for funsies. this guy does NOT fuck around.

i thought the storm could've been a problem for the big guy, but i went out recently to train lulu and get outta town for a bit, and i saw him! scrappin' with some young orthworm about somethin' or other. the fact he's still kickin' after all these years and with the injuries he's got definitely makes me real happy to see. i don't really know a whole hell of a lot about his habits given that i usually give 'im a wide berth; this picture was actually taken by someone else with permission, last i checked. but i know fer a fact he's nocturnal as hell, and a damn good hunter when he feels the need to be.

[charonarp]

Fangame Inquiry

So...I've been trying to do some research into the logistics and legality of fangames and what is and isn't allowed, but I'm so confused because none of the examples share what I'm trying to do and doesn't help me know if what I want to do is okay or not...so...I decided to hop on here and see if anyone's able to give me a clear answer if possible.

Recently, I purchased RPG Maker (MV/MZ - got both since they share file sizes and I might like one over the other for different games), and had the idea to make 3 possible fangames: A Legend of Zelda fangame, a Curse of Strahd RPG, and a Thomas Sanders fangame.

I'll be focusing on the first two, since those are connected to large companies. I'm pretty sure I'd be in the green light with my third idea, haha :p

Starting with the Legend of Zelda one (Project Acorn - a temporary name), this is the one I'm the most confused about. With this fangame, I want to make an original story with original characters, which happen to take place in Hyrule and use the races from the game (Hylian, Gerudo, Rito, etc.)

During my research, many have stated that Nintendo is VERY unwelcoming of fangames, but from what I understand, it seems to mostly be due to games that share too much similarity and assets from their games? I plan to make a lot of the game's assets on my own: custom sprites, tiles, portraits, etc., so I don't know where my idea would lie in regards to legality.

I don't plan to call it "Legend of Zelda: ___". The main thing I'm confused about is if it'll be a problem with me using specific locations, temples and races, even if they're original characters and personally constructed. Like Kakariko Village, would I get in trouble if I had this as a location in the storyline? Would I get in trouble for using the word "Hyrule"?

I'm fairly confident that mentioning names of existing characters in the franchise would cause issues, but honestly, I don't plan to have them involved or mentioned at all in it. I genuinely want to make a fully custom story with my own characters in their own timeline/universe, in a time where there is no Hero of Courage, there's no looming threat due to the Triforce of Power or anything related to it.

I plan on making this game entirely free, should it be made. In fact, I plan on making all my fangames free, should I be able to make them long enough to publish. I am just one person after all, with no experience making custom tilesets or sprites or anything (pixel art is not my strong suit, but I'm willing to try). I just have a story in my head I'd love to see in an RPG format, that's all. I also plan to use custom or copyright free music for it as well. Even if I'm no musician, I do wish to learn.

For the second, I can see the Curse of Strahd fangame having some issues, considering the fact that I do have the idea of making an RPG fangame playing a majority of the plot from the campaign into it, but not exactly one-to-one. However, it'd use characters straight from the book, the only custom characters just being the character(s) you play and extras that may share importance to those characters.

This one I'm the most scared of because of this reason. Although I do plan on making the game free (should I be able to make it), I can definitely understand if this one in particular causes problems with wizards. I mean, it would also spoil a lot about the game...I just thought that Curse of Strahd would be a fun game in an RPG format, considering that it's a sandbox adventure that has the same plotline throughout the book, but changes drastically due to the tarot cards.

Now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn't make this game...hmmmm 🤔

Sorry for the long ramble, I'm just genuinely lost. If you tell me to "look it up", I tried. I hate looking up stuff like this because I'll find so many answers and none of them will answer my questions. There's so much information on the internet that I seriously don't know what's true or not by just one post.

Again, I plan to make these free, should I be able to publish them. I personally don't feel comfortable even charging money for anything I'd like to make in regards to games. I'm also pretty sure I'd definitely get in trouble if they costed money to play, lol.

I got inspired to try to make some games again thanks to my 14th re-watch of Markiplier playing the Hearts and Heroes fangame, haha. I tried making games before, but dropped it pretty fast due to being an inexperienced writer and not knowing how to progress at a certain point (I also didn't legally own RPG maker back them either, but that's all gone now lol).

I would probably ask this on Reddit, but I seriously don't understand that website and don't know where I'd even post this, lol. I am also very afraid of that site, so....yeah <_<'

Hope you take care! And remember to HYDRATE :D (Help idk how to tag-)

[nightcall99]

Notes from 2.7.24

I parked right in front of the entrance to the primary school near my work. When I drove home at 5:30pm, it was dark out. I noticed the main office building was empty but the lights were still on.

I think the 2% I was running on just went down to 1%. Emotionally, I have nothing left. I don't have empathy for anything anymore. I fake it a bit, for that sense of normalcy but it reminds of when Clea was talking about how she saw a dead cat and felt nothing. AL's budgie isn't doing well, she had to take it to the hospital and it's probably dead today. I haven't checked in with her and I don't care. Another co-worker's friend passed away. My aunt got hospitalised for a stroke. My mum's started on BP med. None of it is real. No one is here.

Some people, maybe, are still here. I've been suspecting for awhile that Con the junkie might be. He was high on ice today and asked me for a glass of water. When I gave it to him I noticed he was carrying a book about dreams. He said he wanted to learn about how to control them/become lucid, how to manifest things etc. He offered to lend it to me but I declined, then he walked off singing '...Katherine, I see her on a boat, no, I see her on a plane...". He has this energy about him. A customer gave me a fake smile once and he called it out and started freaking out LOL. He was like "THAT'S A FAKE SMILE. THAT WAS FAKE" and got really angry on my behalf. Last month, he wrote a love letter to NM. On the second page, it got really real. He wrote "I love (proceeds to list a bunch of our names) with all my heart and I always will and when everyone dies that love each other they spend life together in eternal joy and happiness. That is the spiritual heaven. I'm going to be in heaven with _ and _ and _ too and the girls that work here and the pharmacists too, and I'm going to be with all the girls and men that work at IGA (a supermarket) next door and all my friends and Mum and Dad and Grandma and everyone in heaven where there is no matter, just spirit without a body, just a spirit of light. Who knows maybe in heaven you (NM) will have lunch with me there because maybe you eat spirit food. Anyway bye for now". I think everyone was laughing at it but I teared up while reading it at the time. His grandma passed away (she made it to 95 I think) not long after. She was so cute. On her profile someone wrote 'they see me rollin', they hatin', bc she used to walk really slow like a shuffle.

Anyway, the dude from the dreams is just whatever. I saw him today and it was just small talk all day. I didn't give a fuck about his trip but I asked all the necessary questions. He kept making comments of a certain energy that I realise as I write now was just like the dream, jabs to see if I'm still here. I know he's in there but it's impossible and I'm at peace with that. It's never not going to be low vibe and I think my HS has had enough so I don't think he is going to be appearing on our rosters anymore from what I can tell. So what was the point of that? Did I really wait '15 minutes' for that? I had no expectations, other than to get to the bottom of it. And well there it is, I have. I've let go of the 3D story. Can I go now?

Also today randomly I got recommended on YT, a community message from the channel from about a year ago where Clea had transcribed the final message for that session. It was about how some of us have soured to the idea of NE but it will be everything we could ever want, and more.

[millenial-net-utopia-2010]

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#57

Tales from Gamedev: How marketers aim to be "just one of you"

I've been in the back of a few board rooms - both real and virtual - and I've learned that advertising is exploitative and sociopathic (duh). Here are some examples, mostly from gamedev. The average phone/browser has a unique ad id which tracks users between sites (like insta/youtube) and...

Punp said:

I've been in the back of a few board rooms - both real and virtual - and I've learned that advertising is exploitative and sociopathic (duh).

Here are some examples, mostly from gamedev.

The average phone/browser has a unique ad id which tracks users between sites (like insta/youtube) and apps.

They use this to work out whether their ad campaign was successful (i.e. did customer 1 see our ad and then download the app?).

They also use analytics provided by google to know audience interests. i.e. their market may be in the venn diagram of mountaineering and tamagotchi. Weirdly the game theme rarely matches to interests.

They may also use browser profiling (i.e. what plugins you do/don't have, what settings are on, etc to identify an individual), and I've spoken with people who actively lament privacy implementations because they hamper their hokey business model.

Most games are made based on the success of what came before.

This seems like an obvious one, but most companies aren't innovating new designs. They just see what has sold previously and make more of that. Remember Minecraft and the open world crafters that came afterwards? Remember "souls-like" games?

In a recent meeting my game was decided to be "too new and weird" and instead they showed me their flagship game about a kid and his dog with awful art made using a game template and declared it the best of that genre.

Original research and development is reserved for actual indie developers so they can take all the risk. Then the companies swoop down with a bigger ad budget and take the ideas wholesale.

Game marketers aim to be "just one of you".

Well, not one of you. A bottle of turps, a learning disorder and religious parents is all they'd need for emulating the standard Agoran.

No, this particular advice is for advertising on rebbit and Twitter etc where they encourage indie devs to talk about """their experience""" making a game and carefully hand pick the most flashy screenshots and video. All of it is fake, from the persona of the struggling artist to the carefully crafted title and the people who come in later asking for a link to the game. They'll gather a few upvotes from their employees when the post launches to make sure it starts off well.

When the quarterly profits need to look good they fire a few people.

I was told by a director that if a game wasn't going to increase its profit that year they were considering firing the team so they could retain profits for themselves and their stakeholders instead of putting it into the developers. This is mostly because they've got investor cash and the investors must be appeased. Essentially investors make an investment (duh) and want to see a return (increase) on that investment.

Attention retention is the name of the game.

A metric for success in games is how long the game is running on the target machine. As you can imagine this can lead to all kinds of fuckabouts including bigger assets to make the game take longer to load, making gameplay purposefully addictive or the odds of winning much lower.

Weirdly enough this is also a metric for success in dating apps - the longer they can leave customers dangling at the end of the hook the longer they'll be on the app, thus the more premiums they pay as they get more desperate for success.

Summary

This is the end of my little shot of misery. Things haven't been going great for me in game dev this month and it's made me incredibly bitter, so if you want to check out and wishlist my game on Steam you can find a link here.

Of course not, you idiot. This is exactly what I warned you about. Just. One. Of. You.

Conspiracies you have little to no proof of but still believe

Vids like (the comment is from, and they "git it") This moon guy is some form of snake oil merchant, complains about issue but promises his paid course will help. Hopefully some just watch the video, decide to take some information in and don't bother with the course. Society will hit a...

Venomnik0 said:

I always found videos like this to just be an exaggeration of what the internet and what our ancestors went through. Yes, previous generations had it easier finding love, a family, a house even but that's due to the fact they were practically bombarded with various wars from WWII to Vietnam and the constant anxiety that the world could end at any moment with the Cold War. Profits were down because of the baby boomers and later generations prior to Gen Z but much like a website on the internet, the well of good people and opportunities dry up as more and more people use it. Soon it'll just be corporatized and controlled ironically like that Moon video (which really kinda just shows to me more about the modern state of YouTube more than anything and how corporate the community has gotten in a sense but that's off topic). It is really part of how the internet controls us really. The quick access of knowledge and ideologies leads to a over complexity of life and this doomer mentality that we will all fail and this generation has no foot to stand on due to the wells of success drying up. Its manipulation to never get you to move, to grow, to love because people will feel like it's impossible to change the status even with a movement when they never realize things take time. Sometimes we'll never even see the fruit of our labors until its too late. The world responds shockingly enough and people have acknowledged it. I have faith in this generation and the future generations to come.

You're absolutely right about this. Eventually, one day, the world will realize how shit the internet has become and will either leave or start a new service or world or even spread out. We're are no longer in the age of Web 2.0 and Web 3.0 is not some crypto scam bullshit or "metaverse". It's bullshit to trick us all into believing its some corporate bullshit. Its really all of us. Leaving these major websites, hell even leaving the Web. Growing our own communites and circles, of course at the cost of many other older communites, we're already seeing the effects of it.

>fediverse >people moving to more underground communites and suddenly those communites getting much higher interaction than normal >even nostalgia for the days of the early 2000s and yesterweb

Everything is changing before our eyes. We're moving back to what we lost or gaining back what we lost. We're trying to go back to a day before the internet was controlled by various profiteering groups. Back before when some dumb fuck wanted to start a patreon and we all fucking jumped the dumb fuck for even thinking about profiting off his channel. Back to *maybe* geunine human, non-algorithmic human interaction. Sure, it may never happen, but deep down I feel it. The world is changing before maybe to better world and we'll see the end of it in a new hope.

Or we all turn schizo and nuke each other after twitter users finally gain access to government postions and nuke us all to the ground because we said racial slur at some point. (I'm joking of course)

GONNA REVAMP THIS BLOG... USED TO BE PR ADS, - NOW, IT IS PLACE FOR NEW AESTHETICS - "NET UTOPIA 2010" (TENTATIVE NAME)

[smallswingshoes]

I love learning about other cultures so much, but like the little stuff that doesn't occur to you to share, yknow?

Like, I'm born and raised American, but my mom is from Sweden and only came here as an adult. Something she told me was that they didn't have air conditioning in Sweden cuz it hadn't been warm enough there to really need it, so she had no idea what a/c was when she came here. That's so fascinating to me! Like, it never occurred to me she wouldn't know!

A coworker of mine, Hazem, was born in America and grew up for a little bit here, then grew up for a while in Egypt and became a pharmacist there. (He's now doing his tests to be a pharmacist here.) He's a practicing Muslim and we talk about interesting cultural differences and I said something about how the Christian trinity looks polytheistic to Jews so Christiniaty looks polytheistic to Jews. He was confused because Christinity doesn't always believe in the trinity and I was like !!!! What??? I'd never heard that here, but to him it was super obvious and must be more commonplace in Egypt. I'm sure there are Christians in America who don't believe in the trinity, but I had literally never heard of that and he thought it was the most obvious thing. Clearly it seems much more common of a belief in Egypt than here. That's so fascinating!! The way the culture must be different because of that is just so interesting to me!!

I had a coworker briefly named Narak who I think was from.... oh fuck this was years ago so my memory is hazy, but I think from Cambodia? And we had an interesting discussion one time where he actually asked me if I was white! Because I look white but I'm also Jewish, so I consider myself conditionally white. Because of this, I sometimes talk about myself in a way other white people usually don't to him, I think. And it was an interesting moment because it was clear that the way Americans imagine race is so clearly not the default in other cultures! Before him, I've literally never been asked before in person if I was white. Cuz most people just assume I am white. For him, there was obviously a different understanding of race than the typical white American perception of it. It was so interesting!!

Narak and I also talked about how Americans are weird about food from animals that still have their head! Something that I had also learned from my mom! I told him I'm a bit more used to it than other Americans cuz of my mom, but I'm also a little freaked out by animal heads sometimes. He told me about how he'd like kill his own chicken and pluck it and cook it and that was pretty normal. I thought it was pretty cool! He also mentioned that he had actually had dog as food and I was curious what it was like and he told me the meat was pretty tough so you had to like boil it for a long time or something similar to make it more edible. That's so interesting to me!!! Like, I've heard (usually white) Americans be racist about dog as food, ofc, and heard others rebut that, but I'd never really heard that the meat is actually really tough and doesn't taste all that great on its own, at least according to Narak. That's interesting to me!!

Or like how my Russian immigrant customers/patients were some of my favorites! (I'm a pharmacy technician.) The women in particular actually scared my coworkers a bit because they could be very demanding of good work. If you were new, they would tell you to get them an employee who knew what they were doing. 🤣 But we had one regular who, if she liked you, would give you a chocolate. I actually loved these customers because, even tho they seemed harsh to a Midwest American culture, to me they were very no-nonsense and always knew what they were picking up and what they needed and what it was supposed to cost. It was such a different attitude from my other customers!

Or like another coworker I had, I think her name was... Victoria? Vivian? It started with a V, I swear. Anyway she was Hmong and I was Jewish, so neither of us were super tapped into Christian practices. On Ash Wednesday, she had to ask me why people had like black stuff on their foreheads. I told her it's Ash Wednesday and it's some Christian thing every year. She asks me why they do that and I'm like, "I'm Jewish, I don't know!!" 🤣 I also asked her what the dumbest like white person question she'd ever gotten was and she told me someone asked her once "are you Asian or are you Chinese?" That was the funniest fucking thing to me. There are so many problems with the structure of that question.

I just love these neat little differences in cultures from across the world that you just wouldn't know about unless you spoke to someone, yknow? They're not stuff that would normally be, like, in textbooks or travelogs or something because they're things you wouldn't think to point out to others unless it came up, usually. I love hearing about these little cultural differences that pop up and make some conversations so interesting. The lack of a/c in Sweden, how commonplace it is/isn't to believe in the trinity in Egypt, how race can be conceived so differently, that dog meat is really tough, how Russuan women can be delightfully demanding customers, how a Jewish woman and a Hmong woman can be equally confused by Christianity. I honestly love little cultural moments like this; I think it's a great argument against homogenization or assimilation. I get to learn so many interesting little tidbits about other places that I never would have even thought to have thought about!! It's honestly so sad to me how Americans like me can easily go our whole lives without ever learning this type of stuff or even recognizing that other cultures can be so different! Other cultures tend to be much more aware of this sort of thing than we are and it sucks. Not only because it's a form of oppression for Americans to be so America-centric, but also because you're missing out on so much by forgetting there's anything outside of America.

[selinamehhh]

(have a little hawai'i au)

"I knew befriending you would eventually pay off."

"Like you would ever plan this far."

"Oh, you'd be surprised. I've been playing the long con."

Robin rolls her eyes, or at least Steve thinks she does. He can't really see because she's wearing her big sunglasses. The ones that cover at least half of her face. Robin says it's to keep the freckles at bay but Steve knows she likes how they make her look like a Broadway diva.

"Well, if that's the case, then I'll take you off the meal plan and ask for a refund."

Steve feigns shock, a move he's learned from Munson.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me, dingus. In fact, if you want to reinstate my good graces go get me a --, a --, something fruity."

"And I get to stay on the meal plan?"

"You have my word."

Steve rises up from his lounger and looks at the girl lying next to him. They've scored a nice set of loungers under an umbrella, near to the pool but not so close that they're under risk of getting sprayed at by all the kids playing in it. Tomorrow morning they're going to try to get to the adults only area, even if Steve has to wake up at sunrise to score a spot.

"Something fruity coming right up," Steve agrees and gets up.

He's immediately reminded of the sun and how merciless it is, as the skin around his shoulders starts feeling tight and hot to the touch. Robin had lathered him with sunscreen when they first got to the pool, but that was hours ago and Steve had gone swimming since. Oh well. It'll turn into a tan in no time.

He makes his way to the pool bar, tucked under an awning. It's tiki themed because of course it is, how else would the tourists staying here know that they are in Hawai'i.

Steve greets the bartender like an old friend. During the past four days he's been here often enough to get familiar with him.

"Rum and coke?" Makani asks and Steve nods. It's kind of embarrassing that the guy knows his order already, but he's on a holiday so fuck it.

"What about the missus?"

It's a game he and Robin are playing. They're pretending to be newlyweds because a) it's kind of funny and b) you get so many accommodations everywhere. It's no extra effort on their part either, they get mistaken as a couple everywhere they go.

Makani here obviously knows that it's all fake, but he's decided to play along. He thinks it's hilarious, makes him feel like a spy apparently. And who's Steve to begrudge the man of one of the few things that help him make it through his shift.

"She wants something fruity. And--"

"Expensive," Makani winks and gets to work.

The expensive part is also something Makani finds hilarious. You see, the thing is, that he and Robin are on this vacation because of Robin and her insane work ethic. She won the hire of the year at her new company, or at least something along those lines, and that awarded her and a plus one a two-week holiday in O'ahu in one of the company hotels, meal plan and drinks included. So they have made it their mission to eat and drink the most expensive shit on the menus, just to bleed the company dry. Robin hates his boss and is thinking of leaving, so she might as well go all out while she still can.

As Steve's waiting for their drinks he sees a little brochure on the table, left there by some former customer. He grabs it and shifts his glasses up to get an unobstructed view.

It's a brochure listing down all the activities at the resort. Some of them Steve's already seen, like the boat trips they keep advertising in the lobby as well as the scuba diving courses. The list here, however, is a bit more comprehensive and offers little blurbs of different kind of yogas, as well as aerobics classes, swimming lessons, excursions, surfing, reiki, you name it.

"There you go," Makani says and puts their drink on the bar. There's a little green umbrella in Robin's drink. She's going to love it.

"Oh, if you're thinking of doing some activities--," Makani says, noticing the brochure Steve's holding. "A friend of mine's doing both the yoga classes and some of the surfing. He's a sound guy. William."

"Oh, okay, yeah. Thanks. I'll check it out," Steve smiles and takes the drinks.

Steve thanks the man, hands him a tip and then goes back to their loungers, brochure shoved into the pocket of his swimming shorts.

Robin reaches for her drink and giggles in delight when she sees the little umbrella. She picks it off right away, and pins it in her hair.

"How do I look?"

"Tropical."

Steve watches Robin take a sip of her garishly orange drink. She makes a pleased little hum, and takes another sip. That's when Steve flings the folded up brochure at her, timing it perfectly and making her spill all over her swimsuit.

"Steve!" Robin sputters as Steve sits down on his lounger, stretching his legs in front of him. The shadow's are starting to grow longer, they need to shuffle the umbrella soon. Robin grabs the brochure, now sticky and glazed in orange syrup, pages sticking together.

"What's this?" she asks, while she's patting herself dry with the white hotel towel. The orange keeps bleeding around.

"Stuff to do. I feel like we could do something between all the lounging."

"You're such a fucking jock," Robin snorts, but takes a look at the offering.

"Makani said he has a friend who teaches yoga and surfing. That could be cool."

"You? Yoga?"

"Yeah, maybe not that, but the surfing for sure," Steve shrugs. Yoga's the one with the stretching and humming and stuff, right? So maybe that's not really up his alley. But surfing? That has always sounded so cool so why not give it a try when they're this close to a good beach.

He says as much to Robin, who just nods along.

"I want to try yoga though," Robin offers.

"Okay, you do yoga and I go surfing."

They share a look.

As if.

They burst laughing.

They spend the rest of the afternoon by the pool. It's too late to sign up for the day's classes anyway, and they're well on their way to tipsy. That can't be good when you want to balance on a piece of board.

Later, on their way back to their room, they stop by the front desk and sign up for surfing. Steve makes sure that their particular class is helmed by William, as vouched by Makani. The concierge smiles and assures that to be the case, complimenting them on their choice.

Steve feels good, eager to get moving after staying more or less stationary for the better part of the week.

It's not until he's standing there, tepid ocean water bracing his calves, that he comes to regret his decision. He's always had a good hand-eye coordination but balance is a different matter. He's going to make a fool of himself.

"Aloha. You here for surfing?"

It's weird how some things can bury themselves so deep into your subconsciousness that they seem to fade from view. Steve has not thought about that voice for years, yet hearing it now, with the gently lapping waves as a backing track--

"Billy?" he asks, feeling suddenly like he's breathing in heavy metals.

"Holy shit, Harrington."

The metals in the air drop all the way down to his feet, rooting him down there, in the shallow water. Steve wouldn't be able to move even if he wanted to.

Robin, who's been wading further into the ocean, makes a surprised sound. "William!"

Billy looks at her, eyebrows scrunched together.

"You're William," she sounds excited. She makes her way closer to the shore, splashing everywhere as he goes, including on Steve. "Makani told us there'd be a william, oh my god."

"Makani sent you?" Billy asks, sounding suspicious.

"Yeah," Steve sounds like he's been chewing gravel, throat all scratched up. "We were looking for stuff to do."

"Uhhuh," Billy nods, the air of suspicion not clearing up the slightest.

There's a silence. Or as silent as it can get on a resort beach around midday.

The fact that Billy's there feels like some sort foregone conclusion. Like Steve should've expected it, and he's an idiot for not doing so. Naturally he'd be in O'ahu, teaching surfing, what else was the guy to do.

He's always looked the part, at least. Maybe now even more so, with his sun bleached curls dropping past his shoulders and a ridiculous tan. Unlike back in Hawkins, he's also gained a little more bulk, something Steve's a little jealous of right away. Clearly the man's thriving in a way he'd never done under the Indiana sky.

Steve swallows past the gravel, feeling parched.

"So, surfing?" he asks.

[xxx-wounded-angel-xxx]

Red String of Fate - Poly! Lost Boys x reader

Soulmate trope: Pulled toward the place where your soulmate is/are?

Featuring a Transmasc (and really self-indulgent) reader and poly lost boys (who were not really expecting someone else )

Starting over. It's what mom had promised after she divorced and we left dad behind. It was the best thing that happened to us in a while. I would be regretting Phoenix, its underground scene, and all of the punk I grew up surrounded by thanks to my babysitter. But it was for the best, I knew that going to Gramps would be nice, he had a big house and lived not too far from the ocean, something I've been longing for dearly.

What made the change easier was the pull I felt that was getting stronger the closer we would get to Santa Carla. Really, it would be rather cool if I happened to find my soulmate here. I couldn't wait to meet him. I just hoped that the homophobia wouldn't be horrible here. Dad had been homophobic enough for the rest of my life.

In the car, my twin and younger brother were fighting over stupid again, as mom was changing the music. I wish I had a bike like Mikey so I could have used it. But alas I was stuck here with my idiotic brothers.

Soon mom pulled over to Santa Carla, and on the back of the big board was written in crimson "Murder Capital of the World" Mikey and I shared a worried glance: what the hell were we getting into?

As mom stopped, Mikey got his bike off the car and rode it, following us home. The house was creepy, and my brothers seemed convinced we were getting in a horror movie.

We settled down, and the boys fought for their room, running and messing with each other while I was putting my clothes in my wardrobe listening to some tunes, and hanging posters on my walls and ceiling. 

When the evening came, I joined mom on her way around the boardwalk for a little while, but when she approached a tape store I decided to go my way and look at the different stalls to see if I could get something for my patch jacket. I had been working on it for a while, and it’s one of my favorite pieces of clothing from before I transitioned. It had been through all my teenage years, and I couldn’t imagine wearing another jacket. 

I noticed something interesting and went to look for it, ignoring the pull I felt that was changing. Browsing through the stuff, I decided for a cool pin, and a skull patch. Very classic, but it would blend well with the rest of the jacket, which was mostly covered in band patches and vampire-themed ones. When I was looking for chains on another stall not that far, I saw a cute blond guy with curly hair starting to look for stuff beside me. As I was reaching for a cool chain, he took it, before apologizing as our hands brushed. Damn, even his face was really cute, he looked like those angels on renaissance paintings. The way I felt at ease with him was surreal, and when he offered to give me the chain, I accepted. I even let him fix it on my jacket with some safety pins he found in his pocket. He had one of the coolest patch jacket I’d ever seen, and we chatted about custom tips until I spotted mom and bid him goodbye, smiling when he promised me we would meet again. 

When I went to mom, she told me she got a job at that video store, and I was happy for her. I showed her the stuff I got, and when she came to the topic of the boy I was with, I realized that I forgot to ask his name. 

We came home, and I quickly washed before going to bed. That’s when I realized the pull I had felt much stronger in the angelic boy company… Shit, could it be? Had he felt the same way and was it the reason he said we would meet again? Because he knew where to find me? 

With my thoughts all turned towards him, I fell asleep with my window open, not paying attention to the pull that was getting stronger again. 

The day ran smoothly, I learned that Mikey had met his dream girl last night, the pull leading him to her, but apparently she had left with some bickers. I told him about the pretty boy I had met, and how I thought he was the one the pull was leading me to. It seemed surreal that twins would find both of their soulmates in the same town, but here we were. Since I wanted to find my angel boy again, we decided that we would go together to the boardwalk tonight and try to find them. He was curious about the boy I had met and wanted to meet him like I wanted to meet that girl. 

I spent the rest of the day sewing patches on my jacket, adding studs and the pin I got yesterday, before meeting Mikey outside. Sam was staying in since gramps was there. Mom didn’t like the idea of letting her younger son alone. 

I climbed behind Mikey, and we left together. I loved his bike and was saving up to buy myself one. But a better one, though. His had limits and I just wanted one to go wild. 

We were soon on the boardwalk and started to look for our mates. While I was confused about the pull, Mikey was more successful and managed to meet his girl. Her name was Star, and while they were talking I was trying my best to try to get where the pull was trying to lead me, without success. It was as if it wanted me to go four different ways, it was driving me crazy. We were soon back to the bike, and that’s when Mikey realized that he couldn’t give a ride to both Star and me. 

As I was trying to back up, I  felt the pull and turned my head to the four bikers that were circling us. Could it be?... no way… As I shook my head, the one who seemed to be their leader called Star, silently telling her to ride with him. But I didn’t pay much attention to the girl as my eyes met angel boy’s ones. The one I understood was called David dared Michael to a race, and I turned to my brother when he said that he had to take me home. Smirking, David told him that his brother was free to ride with Marko, talking about me. I silently asked Mikey what he thought about it, and when he nodded I turned to the bikers, letting the pretty boy from yesterday pull me on his bike. I blushed when I realized that thanks to this crop top I was in direct contact with his skin when held onto him. After one glance from David who made sure I was secured with Marko, the former rode off and the blond with the wild hair followed, then Marko and the brunet. When I turned, I saw my brother trying to keep up. Soon we left the sand for a road, and I slowly relaxed, even if the boys were driving like crazy. To be honest, I was having the time of my life and soon laughed and hollered with the boys. Mikey was keeping up, I was having fun, maybe everything would turn alright…  

As we reached Hudson Bluff, Mike got off his bike and punched David. I swiftly held my brother back, and shivered when David said “How far are you willing to go Michael?”. After sending a smile in my direction, David led the way to a cave. I was trying to not fall, and the brunet who introduced himself as Dwayne helped me stay steady and get down. He then left to lit up barrels and candles, as Marko took his place, while I was looking at my surroundings. Damn! As the blonde chuckled, I realized I said it out loud. 

Rocker boy who was called Paul sat me beside him on a broken fountain, while David was ranting to Mikey about the history of the place. Soon Marko was sent to buy food, and I was starting to get uncomfortable as he was the only one besides my brother I knew at least a little. Instead, I closed my eyes and tried to understand what the hell was going on with my red string of fate. Red sting that was… pulling me in four different ways, the closest being Paul beside me.

“ You feel it too, huh?” I opened my eyes and turned to the blond. Seeing I was silent, he added “The pull. Red String or whatever you call it. You can feel it too, right?” “I feel it too, you know”. I turned to the other side, seeing Dwayne. “Marko and David feel it, too. We were surprised, we weren’t expecting someone else after all this time” “ Four boys as my soulmate? damn I hit the gay jackpot.” My remark made them laugh. 

Marko came back with food, and we started to eat. David did something that scared Mikey, but I did not get the joke. Maggots? I sent a confused look at Star, but the brunette shook her head. David asked Marko something, and when he left to get it Paul left his place to sit by me. This boy lived in a cave and ate with his bare hands, which seriously made me reconsider everything. I checked the pull, just in case, and it still led me to Paul, Dwayne, David, and Marko that was coming back holding a bottle. 

He handled it to David, who took it and drank before giving it to Michael. My twin looked at me, unsure, especially when Star told him it was blood. I decided to trust the red string and nodded. The boys cheered, and David left to give me another drink, this time from a chalice. I looked up to him, and all he said was“Drink, my mate”. I felt like I couldn’t let my soulmates down, and took a sip. I felt the rich taste explode in my mouth, it tasted so good I wanted more. I drank the whole chalice before handing it back to David, who had a beautiful smile. The boys started cheering even more than for Mickey, I felt so full of joy. I was where I belonged. Mom was right when she said that Santa Carla was a good place for a new beginning after all.